Ten years ago, this week, we said, “We do.” In other words, “We’re in.” For the adventure, the joy, and the highs of accomplishments earned. For the experiences we never thought we’d have, made better by enjoying them together. Only, that is not all.
We also said, “We’re in” for the mundane. The days that string together as boring as iceberg lettuce lined up at the grocery store. “We’re in” for the dark days of struggle and loss. And “we’re in” for traversing the breathtaking lows we didn’t see coming.
We’re in this thing called life, together.
Ten years ago, we said, “We do” to being two bounded together to become one. Two who have chosen to be for each other even when it would be easier to step apart. Two who may have at one time wondered if they were too independent for marriage, but who now wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but on this team.
Ten years ago, we became “us.”
Only, this is not exactly how we’d thought we’d spend our tenth anniversary. Trying to figure out if we should get a reservation for outdoor seating at a restaurant. Or if we should just make a nice meal at home. For two people who love to travel as much as we do, I guess we’d pictured making another big trip to a place we loved, or to a place we’ve only ever dreamed of going. However, as everyone is experiencing right now,
Nothing in our world looks the way we thought it would—even big anniversaries.
I say big, because though it may not be our twentieth, thirtieth, or even fiftieth—ten years is still a big deal. Especially when we’ve all seen marriages that seemed indestructible, fall apart. In fact, two weeks ago, a couple I’ve followed online announced the dissolution of their union. As Tony and I were talking about it, he said, “You just can’t ever stop fighting for your marriage. In everything, you have to fight for it.”
Marriage is hard.
It’s not something to be taken for granted. Nor is it an institution formed primarily for our own fulfillment. It is a living, breathing relationship that needs to be fed and tended as much as any plant, pet, or child. And as it is formed by two imperfect human beings, no marriage is perfect. No marriage is complete.
“You just can’t ever stop fighting for your marriage. In everything, you have to fight for it.”
When I was growing up, I was taught that in order for a marriage to be whole, each person needed to have a relationship with Jesus. Only, I’m not sure “wholeness” is something we ever fully experience in this world. Sure, we get glimpses of it, but nothing that lasts. However, we’ve found the “having a relationship with Jesus” part, is incredibly important in our marriage.
In our relationship with Jesus, we’ve learned what it means to move toward each other in times of pain. Through him, we’ve learned what it means to love each other in tension filled moments. And he’s taught us what it looks like to sacrifice for our marriage and each other, in a way that grows both us and our love for each other.
This week, we’re not only celebrating the anniversary of the day we said, “We do.” Rather, we are also celebrating each day that has followed. Every day we’ve chosen to continue to say,
“We’re in.”
Here is to many more decades of us!
What messages about marriage have strengthened your relationship?
What does a successful marriage look like to you?
For some more practical posts on what has helped us in our marriage, check out these links:
Six Ways to Handle Conflict With Your Spouse—During Quarantine
Becoming One With Room For Two
Leadership in a Healthy Relationship
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