Last week, I got a text from my dad. When I went to open it, I discovered he had held his phone up to his answering machine and video taped the message his doctor had left that afternoon. Earlier that day, my dad had an MRI, and his doctor had called to give him the results:
No further growth.
At this time, the tumors in my dad’s brain aren’t showing any growth since his previous MRI. The treatment is working. And as a family, we can all take a deep breath.
Soon after listening to his text, I called my dad over FaceTime. I talked to both him and my mom, and I said,
“We can celebrate this.”
For a moment after, my mom looked at me like I had brought up a long lost memory. Finally, her face changed. She smiled.
“Yes, we can celebrate this. It is good to have something to celebrate.”
Then, she commented that honestly, it feels weird to celebrate at a time like this. And, she was right. In fact, very few of us know how to carry all the emotions and experiences we are having right now. All of us are asking questions and they sound a little like this:
How do we celebrate, when there is so much sadness going on?
When the numbers effected by COVID keep going up? Or simply, aren’t going away?
When in addition to all that, the economy is in such a bad place?
How do we cheer for people reaching big milestones, when we know there are milestones others will never reach?
Only, there is another question I’m finding even more important to ask: How do we not celebrate? If life is really as fragile as we are learning it is, doesn’t it make recognizing the good things that much more important?
One of the biggest surprise lessons I’ve learned from reading Brene Brown’s work is that, “Joy, collected over time, fuels resilience…” (from this article). She also writes that many of us often struggle to embrace times of Joy, because we’re afraid that it will be taken from us. And right now, for some of us, those fears are being realized.
If life is really as fragile as we are learning it is, doesn’t it make recognizing the good things that much more important?
However to shut down possible moments of joy, may be to weaken ourselves for the very big, painful challenges we are all facing right now. To ignore the good, is to steer ourselves toward hopelessness. While at the same time, celebrating the good, does not negate our pain, or the heartache of our neighbor.
We can both grieve and celebrate.
After all, in life, gain and loss rarely ever take turns. In fact, one of the hardest things life asks of us, is often to hold these two things in tension. Right now, this is being asked of all of us.
In one of my favorite passages of scripture, it says, “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance(Ecclesiastes 3:1,4).” For us right now, these seasons may not look like months or years, but rather hours and days.
We all have loved ones who are sick or hurting. We also have loved ones who are taking their first step, graduating, getting married, and yes, getting good results from an MRI.
Many of us are having days where in the morning we’re feeling good, and in the afternoon we’re crying. Where we’re dancing with our families after a phone call, and then the next day, we’re mourning with a friend over FaceTime. Though these mood swings may be exhausting, they’re honest.
We all have loved ones who are sick or hurting. We also have loved ones who are taking their first step, graduating, getting married, and yes, getting good results from an MRI. So friend, when and where we can, let us lean into all that is going around us. And may we keep all the dark things from drowning out the light.
What are you grieving this week?
What can you celebrate?
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