Every now and then, I meet someone who’s never struggled with comparison or insecurity. Or at least, they’re very good at pretending. There have been times where I’ve admitted to such a person that I’ve struggled with an insecurity or wanting to be like someone else, either in my present or my past, and only received a blank look. Other times, I’ve received a confused expression like
“Why would you worry about that?”
My response is usually to drop it like I haven’t made any confession at all, and move on. When inside I am always thinking, “I don’t know why I worry about that. I wish I didn’t.”
But I have a feeling, you too know what it’s like to compare yourself to someone else. You may even have or have had some insecurities of your own. And, like me, you want to overcome them to live a freer, more joy-filled life.
That is why, today I am sharing a few important things I’ve been learning to do to help me stay in my lane. Tips, that I believe can help us all run the races we’ve been made to run, a little bit freer. None of us need comparison slowing us down.
Watching other people live their lives, is never going to make our lives what we want them to be.
In our world, it is so easy to stand on the sidelines (aka scroll social media) and watch others “crush it” when it comes to living their lives. Then, feel bad if we aren’t doing the same. Only, watching other people live their lives, is never going to make our lives what we want them to be. Here are the things I do when comparison or insecurity start to bleed into my thoughts and emotions, and begin to add stress to how I am living my life:
I unfollow people who make me feel bad.
Recently, I unfollowed a few people I admire because they kept reminding me that I am not where I want to be in some areas of my life. I want to focus on where my life is going, not on what my life isn’t. If you’re following people who make you feel stress or shame—life is too short to keep scrolling through their stuff. Hide them from your feed or unfollow them all together.
I follow people who inspire me to run my own race.
There is one person I follow online who has had tremendous success over the past few years. But instead of being jealous that she has made the New York Times best seller list—every time I see a post of her’s it reminds me to get off my phone and go do the things that will move me closer to my dreams. Ask yourself—Are the people you’re following inspiring you to move forward? Or are they causing you to compare, therefore paralyzing you?
I limit my scroll.
Recently, I read a book in which the author shared giving up social media for two months. She said she slept better and she felt more connected to those around her. We have no idea how the effects of mindlessly scrolling online reaches into our every day lives. Putting limits to when and how long I spend on my phone, I’ve found, cuts down on my anxiety and stress.
I declutter my mind.
Recently, the Insta Story of someone I follow had me thinking about what she said for at least twenty minutes after I put my phone down—and not in a good way. From all areas of our lives, we are constantly filling our minds with things that distract us from what is most important to us. That is why I created this free guide to help us recenter. To regularly declutter the things that don’t help our life and relationships move forward. Get your copy here.
I celebrate my life with gratitude.
One the most powerful ways for us to fight comparison and insecurity, is to name all that is good in our lives. To take a step further, to even celebrate what is good about us as individuals. Sometimes, I wonder why a particular woman has such a large platform, or another woman is so good at public speaking. But if I just take a moment to remember what I am good at and gifted for*—my lane and my race comes into focus. This sends the jealousy and comparison on their way.
I spend time with my people IRL.
When I meet with my friends in real life (IRL), I am reminded I am not the only one with struggles, insecurities, or an imperfect life. Not only that, but good friends remind us of the race we are meant to run. They encourage us when things get hard, and they help us get back in our lane when we get distracted by comparison. Typically, our time online far outweighs our time with friends, but we need to rebalance the scales. We need face to face time with our people to help reground us in our own lives.
Have you ever felt embarrassed to admit an insecurity?
What of these five things do you need more of in your life?
*If you don’t know what you’re good at or you’re struggling to find your lane. You are not alone. If you would like a coach to help you on this journey, check out my coaching page or sign up for a free information session.
