As I shared on Monday, I recently joined a new writers group. The very first time we got together, I was so nervous. I was the first to arrive at the coffee shop where we met, and as I waited in line to order my coffee, I had a realization. All my nerves centered on this one question:
“What if they don’t like me?”
I felt like I was in junior high all over again. But then I realized, I probably wasn’t the only one who felt nervous about showing up to our newly formed group. Putting ourselves out there to make new connections and friendships is scary at any age. Only it feels harder for us as adults because in some way we’ve all experienced the sting of rejection.
With this in mind, today I want to share Three Questions to Ask After Rejection, in hopes of helping us become more resilient and less afraid to fail when it comes to making friendships. These are three questions to help us process rejection, then move on to seek connection elsewhere from a healthier place.
“What if they don’t like me?” should never be the reason we don’t show up when it comes to meeting new people. Nor should it keep us from living the connected lives we long to have. So let’s continue to work on bravely putting ourselves out there. And when faced with rejection, let’s ask:
Could I have done anything different?
There are two extremes when it comes to approaching rejection: One, believe that the people rejecting us are completely wrong or mean. Or two, believe we totally messed up and it’s all our fault. The truth is usually somewhere in the middle.
For this reason, it is good to ask ourselves, is there anything I could have done differently? Could I have done anything more? Or is there something I shouldn’t have said? If you’re not sure, but it feels like there may be something, share your experience with a trusted friend or mentor. Get their perspective. They may affirm that you did all you could. Or, point out something you can learn from, that will help you do better the next time.
Is there anything I can learn from this?
This question is similar to the first, as sometimes the thing we can learn is something we did wrong or could do better. But, it could also be that through putting ourselves out there, we have the opportunity to learn more about the types of people or communities we want to connect with. Rejection isn’t failure if we learn from it. How can our experiences positively inform our decisions about our future?
Is it time to let go?
When we face rejection, we need to access our situation. Sometimes, there may be important reasons to hold on a little longer, to try and make things work. Perhaps we need to give people a second chance. Maybe we need a second chance. But in other situations, we may need to make a clean break. If you’ve faced rejection, but are unsure if it is time to move on, talk things through with a trusted mentor or friend. Weigh all the reasons to stay and those to go, and then make a decision and stick with it.
When was the last time you faced rejection?
What did you learn from that experience?
Are you in the midst of making a decision? Contemplating a life change? If so, you may be interested in my FREE Making Changes Checklist that I give to all my email friends. Want your free copy? subscribe here.
Photo by Nathan Dumlao on Unsplash
