“What people are craving isn’t perfection. People aren’t longing to be impressed; they’re longing to feel like they’re home.”
—Shauna Niequist, Bread & Wine
Have you ever wondered what it is about your favorite TV shows that you like so much? For me, I’ve noticed that in almost all of mine, there is a close friend group. But more than that, they all do this one thing:
They eat together.
One of the most recent examples I can think of is The Big Bang Theory. Though Leonard and Sheldon didn’t have a dinning room table, in close to every episode, all their friends would gather around their coffee table for takeout. They’d pull up a chair or sit on the couch or floor, to eat Thai, Chinese, or Greek food, out of paper or plastic containers.
It wasn’t fancy. No one worried about what they wore, or about the silverware, as takeout comes with plasticware. The only person who cared where they sat was Sheldon. Everyone was together, and that was the point.
There is something powerful about being with our people. So powerful, that when we’re away from them or we move to a new place where we don’t have any people yet, the absence of community is depression inducing. We are wired for connection, and one of the most powerful ways it takes place is around a table, sharing a meal.
We are wired for connection, and one of the most powerful ways it takes place is around a table, sharing a meal.
I think that is why we see this theme in so many TV shows. Friends had Central Perk. Gilmore Girls had Luke’s. Downton Abbey had a table upstairs and downstairs. The table is where real conversations happen.
Only, in our busy, segmented lives, it is a rare thing to have a standing dinner or lunch date with our people. In fact, I would say many of us probably have more days where we wonder if our people are still our people because we see them so little.
Life can get crazy.
When it does, time with our friends is usually one of the first things to go. Perhaps it is because growing up, many of us saw our friends at school, sports practice, or even at church. We were taught how to schedule in soccer. We even learned how to balance our studies and a work schedule. But very few of us have learned how to reach out, and plan time to be with our people.
Many of us wonder if our people are still our people because we see them so little.
Like everything else in life, relationships and friendships take initiative and investment. The seasons in my life where my friendships have grown the most have been when I have made regular time in my schedule to meet for coffee or have friends over for dinner. But more importantly, when I have reached out instead of waiting for an invitation.
We were taught how to schedule in soccer. But very few of us have learned how to reach out, and plan time to be with our people.
According to this NBC article, seventy-five percent of adults in our country are unsatisfied with their friendships. And according to this study by Cigna, almost half of our population has reported feeling lonely on a regular basis. Fifty-four percent say they often feel like no one knows them very well.
Many of us are afraid to make the first move in friendships because we’re afraid of rejection. But the truth is so many of the people around us are feeling lonely, left out, and in need of connection. Initiating time with our friends, or even the people we’d like to be friends with, is a chance we need to take.
At the beginning of this month, I promised you that this would be our summer fun series. Talking about swimsuits and body shame a few weeks ago, and now talking about loneliness may seem contradictory. But here is the thing, we can’t truly have fun if we aren’t also learning to overcome and be free from some of this hard stuff.
We need to learn how to overcome our loneliness.
And summer, is a great time to do this. The weather is better and the days are longer. More people are in the mood to get out and do things. So why not ask the people around you to come over for a cook out? Go for a hike? Or even, meet for coffee?*
We never know what friendships could be waiting for us, if we just take a chance.
We never know what friendships could be waiting for us, if we just take a chance. Let’s not allow another summer to go by without reaching out to those around us.
Have you felt lonely or disconnected this year?
What are some ways you can seek connection in this season?
*Join me on Thursday for some fun and easy ideas for getting together with friends—whether you’ve known them for years or just met them recently.
Are you in the midst of making a decision? Contemplating a life change? If so, you may be interested in my FREE Making Changes Checklist that I give to all my email friends. Want your free copy? subscribe here.
