Love: Silence

Recently, on one of those rare cool mornings of summer, I went for a run. Earbuds in, I headed out of our apartment complex, and down the sidewalk of the main road. The sun wasn’t at full strength yet, and I noticed I could breath easier than I could the night before. The humidity had broken.

When I got to the end of the sidewalk, I crossed the street and entered a nearby neighborhood. I was listening to a podcast, as I usually do when I run. But on this particular morning, I wasn’t feeling the episode I’d put on. So I awkwardly began searching for a new one, while trying to keep my pace.

As I scrolled through the recently downloaded episodes, I noticed the smell of rotten food. I looked up and saw the street lined with garbage cans and recycling bins. It was trash day.

Thankfully though, as I kept running further, the scent dissipated. I looked back down at my phone and saw that Emily P. Freeman’s most recent episode of The Next Right Thing, had loaded. It must be Tuesday, I thought.

Though her episodes aren’t long enough for my full run, in that moment it felt like the right choice. Short reflections on how to determine one’s next right step, Emily’s podcast episodes always seem to have a centering affect on me. I clicked on the day’s episode, and soon her soothing voice was in my ear.

I rounded the corner at the end of the street, near my favorite Maple tree. This season, I have watched it bud, grow leaves, and turn a dark shade of healthy green. But again, as I entered its shade, I was met with the smell of garbage. As soon as I was out of range from one person’s trash, I was met with another.

Finally, I was able to get away, down the next road where people’s trash wasn’t as smelly—or at least, was better contained. And I began to focus in on what Emily was talking about that day:

Silence.

She was talking about that rare gift few of us know how to use or create in our own lives anymore. About how though its hard to find, and often uncomfortable, silence can hold a very important purpose in our mental well being. Then she said something I’ve never heard anyone else say about silence. Something, that both resonated and gave me perspective.

She began by describing our souls as buckets that seem to collect things as we go about our day. The loving action of a friend, a harsh critique from a coworker, the words in a book we’re reading, the mood of a family member—can all seem to pour into our bucket and stick with us. Some of it is good, and some of it isn’t. Some of it we should hold onto, but not all of it. Emily went on to ask the hard question,

“When are we regularly disposing of the soul clutter we no longer need?”

Then, she explained that silence is where we can sort through all that has filled our bucket from the day, and decide what stays and what goes. That it is in the quiet where we are best able to recognize our feelings of fear, jealously, insecurity, etc. And, then dispose of all that is weighting us down. In other words, silence gives us the opportunity to take out the trash both mentally and emotionally.

As I listened, and ran past garbage can after garbage can, the irony was not lost on me. Just as we all have to take out the trash weekly, to avoid it stinking up our homes, we regularly need to process all that we absorb from our lives on a daily basis. But we can’t do that, when in our lives, there is little space for us to think.

On Monday, we looked at why it is so important for us choose our own path. Only it is impossible to find our path, without taking the time to listen to our souls. To, as Emily says, pour out our bucket, and with God, go over each feeling and moment that is effecting how we act and react to the world around us.

In my own life, in quiet moments, it is tempting to listen to podcasts or Spotify. But Emily reminded me not to cover up or waste the silence. In a world where we all are carrying much more emotional weight than we were made for, we need to take the time to offload regularly. We need to take the time to sit in the silence.