Once, when Tony and I were at the grocery story, we arrived in the dairy department just as a little girl was grabbing a gallon of milk out of the refrigerator for her mother. She was small and the jug was big. Within seconds it slipped out of her hands and crashed to the floor. Cracked on one side, milk started gushing out all around her.

Without thinking, I reached down, grabbed the handle to the milk jug and turned it “crack-side-up,” so the milk would stop spilling. I had worked at a grocery store all throughout high school and college, so I had seen my fair share of spilled milk. The little girl looked up at me gratefully.

“I was just trying to help.” She said to her mom who was looking rather embarrassed by this point. I gave the little girl an understanding smile and said:

“Those bottles are pretty heavy, huh?” To which she nodded.

Accidents happen. Though it applied rather literally in this situation, the phrase “There’s no point crying over spilt milk,” applies more often than we’d like. All of us, at some point, have been like that little girl; we’ve done something with the best of intentions only to make a mess out of things. It’s not necessarily our fault, yet often we become filled with shame. In these times it is important to remember—

Accidents never happen on purpose. 

If you have ever tried to make something look like an accident, you know that this is true. They don’t require any concentration or effort on our part. Sure, afterwards we can come up with all of the ways we could have prevented it. But in these situations, there is no forethought before hand—which is usually why they occur.

Sadly, I think we have mixed up where the lines of effort and responsibility lie in our world. When an accident happens, we feel all kinds of shame. But when we achieve something truly great, we feel humbled. Worse than any of this though, is when we begin to think success requires the same amount of effort as an accident.

In our culture, it is very easy for us to point out those who have “made it.” We are bombarded by many of their faces and achievements on TV or online. We know more about these people—who we may never meet—than we do our neighbors. But have you ever realized that we know very little about how they found the spotlight?

Last spring, I read the book Grit, by Angela Duckworth. In Grit, Duckworth talks about our culture’s preoccupation with talent, and how in reality, it is only a small percentage of being successful. She talks about the importance of having “Grit”—a powerful combination of passion and perseverance—to achieve our goals and dreams. And she says that when we base success on how much talent we where born with, we often take ourselves out of the running for the very things we were made to do. She writes:

“In my view, the biggest reason a preoccupation with talent can be harmful is simple: by shining our spotlight on talent we risk leaving everything else in the shadows. We inadvertently send the message that these other factors—including grit—don’t matter as much as they really do.” (p.31)

In other words, success is not an accident. Though the people we admire most for their achievement, are talented, they have reached the place where they are because they have worked hard. They didn’t somehow win the genetic lottery, or stumble onto the Olympic podium where someone put a medal around their neck.

No, they have gone through years of taking small jobs to work their way to the top. They have waited tables until they finally got an acting gig. They have trained multiple times a day, for years—giving up a social life or other experiences—just to reach their goals. They have demonstrated a lot of grit.

Accidents just happen. Success doesn’t. 

This past month, we have been talking all about building healthy routines to improve our lives and reach our goals. If there are dreams that keep you up at night, or if there are ideas that you can’t get out of your head, they aren’t going to just happen. You need to put in the time. Because at the end of your life, you may not be crying over spilt milk, but you will grieve the dreams you never realized.

What accidents from your past still make you cringe?

What dreams do you need to go after?

 

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