“You were running a good race. Who cut in on you…?”
—Paul to the Galatians (Gal. 5:7)
In Galatians, chapter five, the Apostle Paul writes to a group of people who have been mislead. After finding salvation in Christ, another group came around and told the Galatians that believing in Jesus was not enough—that they had to follow certain laws to earn their salvation. They had been moving forward on the right path, when all of a sudden they were misdirected. Their journey stalled.
In our world, there are messages that sound “right” and “good,” when they’re not. Very often, they are from seemingly trustworthy places. But if we are not careful—if we do not critically think through what we are being told versus what we know is true—they can hinder our progress. Even worse, they can lead us to some scary places.
Last week, in this post, I shared how I learned the importance of Self Love. But, on my journey, as I grew stronger and healthier, I started to read and listen to some of the more popular voices in the Self Love Camp of our culture. At times I found myself saying, “Amen,” to things they said. But just as many times, while reading their books, or listening to a podcast, I found myself shaking my head in disagreement.
In the midst of positive messages about taking care of and valuing oneself, are ones solely about self-fulfillment and finding one’s own happiness. To which you are probably thinking, “What’s wrong with that?” The answer: more than you think.
All of the messages in the Self Love Camp sound so good; we often don’t realize which ones are leading us towards and which are leading us away from the people we are meant to become. The Self Love Camp of our culture asks questions like:
How do you feel?
What is it that would most make you happy?
What is your greatest desire?
What do you need in this moment?
In the right circumstances, all of these questions can be good and important. But if we live in them too long, we find ourselves in dangerous territory. Rather than using these questions to move us forward in fulfilling our purpose, we begin to think they are our purpose. And when all of our focus turns inward to what is good for us, our world becomes very small. The reason for this is that we were not created to live solely for ourselves; we were created to live in community and to fulfill certain roles that build up those around us.
Later, in the same chapter in Galatians, Paul says, “You, my brothers, were called to be free…do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather serve one another in love (Gal. 5:15).” In other words, Jesus’ sacrifice made us free—not to become inward-focused, selfish people—but rather so we can make an incredible difference in the lives of those around us. Paul is saying don’t waste this opportunity.
Each of us were born with a unique combination of talent and passion that when tapped into, can be used to bring unfathomable joy and life to our communities. And when we successfully serve those around us, in exchange, we experience a sense of fulfillment that can never be found when we are focused inward. Part of loving ourselves involves loving our neighbor.
Self Love needs to be counterbalanced in our lives with loving others. On our own, doing what we want, when we want—doesn’t take us very far. Most if not all of our talents are best developed and/or used in the context of community. And collectively, we thrive when we are looking out for one another.
Learning how to take care of myself has been one of the most important lessons of my life. But so has learning to love others. I practice Self Love not because life is about my happiness or well-being. Rather, it enables me to better love, serve, and lead those around me.
As I have been on this journey of Self Love, I’ve had to be careful of who I listen to and learn from. I have had to weigh the messages I have heard—even from those I respect—against what I know to be true. And I have had to learn how to take what is true, while leaving what is false behind. In every important journey, we must choose our guides wisely.
Who are your guides? Are they leading you well?
What are your talents and passions? How might they enable you to serve those around you?
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This self love thing is such a hard thing to balance. Like you say, we can go too far with it! It’s so important to seek God’s leading in how to do this well. Thank you for making the points you made!
Thanks, Heather. It is so hard to balance–I think that is why I wanted to write about it–because we don’t talk about the need for it enough!
When I was a young mother, taking care of me was last on the list, if at all. Someone told me, “make sure you take care of your children’s mother and husband’s wife. You won’t have your best to offer them if you are always spent.”
This looks different for everyone. A quiet ride in the car, a little longer pamper time in the bathroom, solitude with the Lord to be refreshed, getting your nails or hair done etc. whatever it is for you.
The key, as you wrote about, is balance. We don’t place this as the number one thing that has to happen or “we just can’t deal” , as is the popular thing to say. Women need to remember to put themselves on the list as well, just not so self-focused that we only serve others with our “me” time as our motivation.
Thanks for sharing, Dana. I agree, it has to be about Balance. We just don’t talk enough about this.
The balance is such a “balancing act” sometimes feeling like tight rope walking..lol. Preferring our brother/sister over ourselves, and loving them is very important. Lots to think about, Thank you!