So many of us are afraid to confess or to declare what it is that we want because we confuse naming our desire with demanding the desire. —Emily P. Freeman
At the end of October, Tony and I started making our travel arrangements for Christmas. Every year, the week after the holiday, we fly to see Tony’s family in Wisconsin. But this year, I wanted to go to Massachusetts first. I wanted to be with my family for Christmas Day.
For two or three nights, we sat trying to figure out flight logistics, but it just wouldn’t work out. On the last night of scouring the internet, we both could see it wasn’t going to happen. Maybe I was being dramatic, but I told Tony I needed another day to come to terms with this decision. I didn’t want to face it.
Some years, our Christmas dreams don’t come true.
Perhaps that’s why I made a whole long list of activities to make this season feel more like Christmas. One of the main things that would make it feel special for me, just isn’t possible this season. Even as adults, we can be disappointed at Christmas. I think that’s why, many Christmases, we are afraid to name what we want.
We think our desires are like the wishes we make when we blow out our birthday candles. If we say them out loud, they won’t come true.
We think our desires are like the wishes we make when we blow out our birthday candles. If we say them out loud, they won’t come true. Even though somewhere in our adult minds, we know it is superstition, we hold our desires close to our chest. All the while, praying someone in our life will crack the code. They’ll magically read our hearts and make our wishes come true. Only,
Hiding our wants from our loved ones makes us risk takers.
It means we’re choosing to leave our holidays up to chance. Possibly setting our significant others, best friends, and family up to fail. And in a way, planning our own disappointment.
The desires we have for the holidays—and for life—aren’t meant to be secrets. They’re meant to be shared. Only some of us were taught growing up not to want things. That asking for certain presents at Christmas was asking too much. That we were too much.
The desires we have for the holidays—and for life—aren’t meant to be secrets. They’re meant to be shared.
What we forget is that we’re grown ups now. And if we have found friends, significant others, or even coworkers that we’ve become close to—they don’t think we’re too much. In fact, they want us to feel loved this Christmas. They want to know about our desire for a big meal, holiday movie marathon, or even just a few quiet hours to ourselves this weekend.
Our loved ones want to know what we want.
If there is a Christmas dream or desire that has been growing in your heart this season, but you’ve kept it quiet—it’s time to tell someone. Maybe in hopes of them helping you make it come true. Or even just so that they can sit with you as you grieve that it’s not possible this year.
If you have Christmas dream or desire—it’s time to tell someone. Maybe in hopes of them helping you make it come true. Or even just so that they can sit with you as you grieve that it’s not possible this year.
Going into Christmas with unnamed desires, sets us up to subconsciously will the holiday to be what we want it to be, without bringing our loved ones into our thoughts and plans. It will cause us to feel the tension between what is, and what we hoped it would be. Whereas, naming what we are truly longing for, moves us into action or acceptance. Two things that can bring us peace this Holiday.
What do you long for this Christmas?
Who do you need to talk to about these desires?
If you find naming what you want especially difficult with your spouse, this post may help.
Is your mind feeling cluttered with all the holiday chaos? Sign up for my email list and receive a free copy of my Five Steps to Declutter Your Mind PDF.
