“So, is it possible to get to the point where I am ok being single?” Over the tops of our Starbucks coffees, she looked me straight in the eye and I couldn’t lie to her. Not that I wanted to. It’s just, as a mentor whose job it is to encourage, it can be difficult to speak the truth when it’s discouraging.
“It may be. But it’s also possible you will always want a relationship until you have one. I know for me, as hard as I tried, the wanting never went away.” I replied, hoping my words didn’t sound hopeless.
Some things in life, we will always want.
No matter how full other areas of our life become, there are dreams that won’t die. Longings that despite how deep we bury them, can be brought to the surface in an instant—through a TV show, the words of a stranger, or something we see in the grocery store. As much as we seek contentment, part of being human is always wanting more.
Think about it. When was the last time you felt completely and utterly content?
Being on vacation doesn’t count. At least in the, “I’m fully at peace with my life” definition of contentment. All of us feel content in our favorite place. Whether sitting on a beach or climbing a mountain—if we’re having a day without our real life worries, we feel good. The question is, how do we feel in the midst of our Monday through Friday, nine to five reality?
As much as we seek contentment, part of being human is always wanting more.
If I’m honest, for me, peace and happiness at times are hard to come by. As is true for all of us, the past nineteen months have kicked my butt emotionally and physically. I’ve felt a persistent tiredness this year that I’ve never known before. And as fall began last month, I started to feel two conflicting feelings:
One, excitement for a new season.
Two, depressed as we’re still in the middle of the pandemic.
This reminded me that the first step to finding contentment, is not achieving the fulfillment of all our desires; it’s accepting the areas where our life isn’t how it should be. For many of us, the things we want most can’t be ordered on Amazon, acquired by hard work and determination, or conjured up by wishing.
The first step to finding contentment, is not achieving the fulfillment of all our desires; it’s accepting the areas where our life isn’t how it should be.
The pandemic isn’t ending anytime soon. My dad’s brain cancer isn’t going away. Emotionally fighting against these painful realities (and so many others), aren’t going to bring us peace. But by accepting that they are a part of our story, and allowing ourselves to feel discontent in these areas—we can more fully embrace the parts of our life where we can find contentment.
That morning, after I admitted to never finding contentment in my singleness, I held my breath. I braced myself for what the young woman I was mentoring would say. Then something surprising happened. The furrow in her brow relaxed. A small, resigned smile came across her face.
“Thank you, for being honest.” She said. “I thought something was wrong with me that I couldn’t just be happy with my life the way it is.”
Where are you feeling discontent this season?
What would help you find acceptance that this is a part of your story?
Friends, there are so many things we wish we had control over right now, but don’t. What we do have control over though is navigating this time as healthily as possible. Join me on this journey, and for more tools and content on how to do so, subscribe to my email list . If you do, you’ll receive my Five Ways to Declutter Your Mind PDF for free!
