Did you feel it? The Earth shifting under our feet last week as a woman stepped away from what was expected of her—to take care of herself. Through prioritizing her mental health over Olympic glory, Simone Biles modeled what many of us women struggle greatly to do:
She chose rest. She chose herself.
Instead of trying to meet the expectations of her country, judges, colleagues, friends, coaches, and family, Simone listened to what her mental, emotional, and physical self was telling her. She couldn’t keep going. So she stopped.
I am not sure what your journey with rest and self care has been, but I know for a long time I didn’t value either of those things. In fact I didn’t practice them. I only stopped when a bout of illness took me down. I spent years ignoring my mental health, until my depression grew so strong I had to get help. I lived this way, because I didn’t know any other.
I was taught that listening to my feelings or paying attention to my mental or emotion health was weak and self-indulgent. Focusing on my self was selfish. Focusing on others, was virtuous.
The circles I grew up in taught me that listening to my feelings or paying attention to my mental or emotion health was weak and self-indulgent. Focusing on my self was selfish. Focusing on others, was virtuous. Filling the needs of those around me gave me value and a sense of both purpose and belonging. Taking a break meant possibly losing my place, my identity.
We’re in dangerous territory when rest puts our identity at risk.
Yet many of us—both women and men—experience this tension. This lie that pushing through and pressing on somehow makes us stronger. When all it ever seems to do is make us sick, wear us down, and build resentment and bitterness inside of us. The message we’re meant to be super heroes, only hurts us.
The message we’re meant to be super heroes, only hurts us.
When I learned of Simone’s decision to take herself out of the competition, I thought of all the conversations I’ve had with friends over the years in which one of us was encouraging the other to take a break and the other’s reply was, “I can’t.” Whether running a business, taking care of family, pushing to excel in school, or holding a ministry together—the answer was always the same. What I’m doing is more important than myself.
What I’m doing is more important than my health.
For years I’ve been trying to deprogram this lie in my brain. To say yes to taking care of my physical and mental health. To say no to doing “everything.” To make rest a part of my routine. Yet I’m still working on believing that my worth isn’t dependent on what I do or who depends on me.
It’s hard to walk away from our work. It can feel impossible to say, “No” to people we care about because we don’t want to let them down. The lie is that we will lose our standing if we take a break. But I’m learning the truth is we will lose our whole selves if we don’t pay attention to our own wellbeing.
The lie is that we will lose our standing if we take a break… the truth is we will lose our whole selves if we don’t pay attention to our own wellbeing.
For the past few months now, something inside me has been telling me I need a break from writing. So to be true to what I’ve been encouraging all of you to do in your lives—to rest, to build self care routines—and to be true to myself, I’ve been planning to go quiet. To step away from the blog and social media to relax and refresh after a very hard season.
Starting today, this month I’m going offline.
With the exception of an email to all my subscribers later this month, I am taking a break from this space. First, because I’ve realize I can’t keep writing unless I take this break. And second because this is my most powerful invitation to you, to do the same.
In September, I’ll be back to talk more about routines, the future of the blog, and hopefully so much more. But in the meantime, I want to ask:
What do you need to step away from this season?
What have you been prioritizing over your own mental and/or physical wellbeing? And how does that need to change?
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Photo by Ryunosuke Kikuno on Unsplash
