This week, I hate rainy days. It could be because after coming home from visiting my family, and doing some big house projects with Tony, everything slowed down. Then last Wednesday and Thursday, it rained making the world feel like a very dark place.
Bad thoughts always seem to know when to come knocking.
Bad thoughts always seem to know when to come knocking. Heavy, painful feelings bubble up when there’s nothing holding them down. And all of us have seasons when we actually don’t want things to let up, because we’re afraid of what will happen when we finally stop.
Last week, I stopped.
It wasn’t pretty. It isn’t even something I want to talk about. But as we’ve been walking together for a few years now—I feel like it’s important for me to share this.
Many of us are having moments when we’re falling apart.
When things from the present are getting too heavy to carry. Or wounds from our past won’t seem to heal. Add in tensions with loved ones as we’re trying to figure out social distancing holiday plans—and for some of us, the ache is greater than the joy this season.
For some of us, the ache is greater than the joy this season.
So what do we do in these moments when we’re falling apart but we need to keep going? When we’ve sucked it up and pulled it together too many times, that it no longer feels like it’s working?
We get help.
We talk to our people.
We give ourselves a break.
For me, last Wednesday was the worst. A conversation with Tony surfaced some unresolved feelings; not between us, but for me. This led me to some raw prayer journaling. Then a few more conversations with Tony and some other wise people in my life.
At the end of the day, I let myself watch TV and get lost in a book. Then the next morning, I got up, and after our daily prayer time, I did yoga. I began reaching for things I knew would begin to bring me back.
Full disclosure: some of the feelings that surfaced last week, I have yet to find my way through. I have work to do to get to a place where they will resolve, where I can experience healing. It is going to take time.
Only, I am learning more and more, that to continue to push these feelings down is like putting duck tape over a hole in your tire. It may get you a little further down the road, but the damage is still there. At some point the tire needs to be patched or changed altogether.
Friend, I don’t know what your low points have looked like this season, but I want you to know you are not alone. Your feelings, pains, struggles and scars are all valid. And when they bubble up to the surface, it’s time to feel them. It’s time to give them space, to take care of yourself in the midst of them, and to get the help you need to continue to move forward. Not pushing through by putting on a brave face, but rather vulnerably and authentically showing up to your life as you are.
What feelings have bubbled up to the surface for you this season?
Who do you need to talk to about them?
What does it look like for you to reach for healing and wholeness?
Have you too, struggled with finding focus since the Pandemic? Are you having a hard time feeling productive because you feel mentally exhausted? Sign up for my email list today, and receive a free copy of my Six Ways to Find Focus in a Pandemic. It will help you find your footing again.
Photo by Tristan Gassert on Unsplash
