In the corner of our living room right now, there is a big stack of boxes. It had begun to form over a month ago, when our plans looked very different. Now, they’re a daily reminder that our lives have been put on hold.
Tony and I were supposed to move this season. No, we haven’t found a house (though we came very close to putting an offer on one). But before Covid-19, we’d been actively looking. And as the boxes in our living room can attest, we were already packing. We were READY to move.
Only now, everything is at a stand still. New house listings have all but dried up. And the stay at home order that came from our governor last week, makes physical house visits impossible. Not that we were comfortable going in our current circumstances anyway.
Since the beginning of this pandemic, we’ve all had daily reminders that our lives are not what they were.
I share all this because I realize that we all have “boxes.” Since the beginning of this pandemic, we’ve all had daily reminders that our lives are not what they were. Nor, are they what we’ve been hoping they would be. Sadness or disappointment has been a daily occurrence.
So how do we handle all this unexpected grief?
Grief that seems incomparable to the photo’s of coffins lined up in churches in Italy. Grief that’s surprisingly painful when what many of us are losing, we know in the scheme of things, is very small. And yet a grief that when taken together and added to the heavy sadness surrounding this pandemic, is a lot.
As I have not lost anyone to Covid-19 at this time, I can’t speak to the depths of grief families are experiencing all over the world. I can however, speak to the grief that is currently branding our days. I am not a licensed counselor, or anyone who has studied grief extensively. But today, I thought I’d share five ways of handling our grief in a way that feels both honest and approachable. When it comes to this grief:
Cancel things slowly.
Tony and I had planned small trips for April, May, and June. We already know that our trip this month to see my family for Easter is out. With my dad’s health being tenuous, this is both a no brainer and upsetting. But rather than cancelling all of our plans, we’re waiting. Right now, I am grieving not being able to see my family. If and when the time calls for it, we will cancel our plans for May and then June. Living with even a little hope, is better than canceling everything and carrying the grief of it all at once. Cancel only what you need to right now.
Name your disappointments.
Many of us learn from an early age that the best way to handle our feelings is to pretend they aren’t there. To push them down, and (maybe) deal with them later. Only, when we do this, they become heavy and painful. Your feelings matter. And it’s ok if you’re upset that your life doesn’t look the way you want it to right now. Not only that, but by naming our disappointments and grieving them, we’re better able to release them and navigate our new reality.
Don’t compare your situation with someone else’s (and vice versa).
In times like these, it is easy to look around and find someone in a harder circumstance or with bigger disappointments—and then believe we have nothing to be upset about. Though these comparisons can give us perspective, allowing them to diminish our own pain and sadness is counterproductive. Just because someone is carrying a heavier load, doesn’t mean our load isn’t difficult. In fact, naming and grieving our pain will better enable us to have empathy for others.
Give yourself permission to feel crappy (grieve).
Though spending all of our time social distancing at home, means we can stay in our pajamas, it doesn’t mean we should. Moping on the couch for the duration, won’t cure anything. BUT, at the same time, a little couch time in our PJ’s might be what we need now and then. In some cultures, when a loved one is lost, whole families sit together for days to mourn. Though what we’re mourning may be events or trips, it’s ok to admit we’re feeling crappy. To take some of our downtime to decompress.
Give yourself time.
No matter what we’ve had to give up—a big thing or a bunch of small things—it may take some time to get over what we’ve lost. Give yourself grace. And if you need some help getting through your weeks, check out my Social Distancing Survival Guide: Everyday Routines. It will give you ideas for self care, as well as a framework on how to structure your days in a way that will help bring you through this time.
What are your “boxes” or reminders of what you’ve lost this season?
What are you currently grieving?
Feeling a little adrift in this strange, new normal of being at home? Sign up for my email list and get your free copy of my Social Distancing Survival Guide: Everyday Routines. Sign up here.
Photo by Fabian Møller on Unsplash
