I grabbed my bag, quickly looking inside to make sure I had something to write with. I found a pen and a pencil. Then, taking a deep breath, I zipped up my bag, and hung the strap over my shoulder. I check the time, I was ten minutes early. Just enough to get coffee.

I locked the car, then looking both ways, crossed the parking lot. I entered the store. Though it was quiet for a Saturday, there was a small line at the cafe. I stepped in behind a man with two small girls. One was telling him she wanted chocolate milk, while the other stared blankly at a cartoon playing on her iPad. The person in front of the man and two girls, paid for their order. I stood, waiting. 

Nothing makes even a little anxiety worse than waiting. 

I was there to meet people I had never met before. Through my online writer’s group, I connected with some fellow bloggers who also live in the middle of Pennsylvania. Wanting to make some real live writing friends, I set a date for us to meet at a centralized location. This turned out to be a fancier than most grocery store with a coffee shop.

As I stood in line, I checked my Facebook to see if anyone had posted to say they had arrived. No one had. A fluttery feeling filled my stomach. The man in front of me ordered two chocolate milks, a breakfast sandwich, and a large coffee. After paying, he guided the two girls to the other end of the cafe. 

“Next,” the barista said with a smile and looked over at me. I stepped up to the counter and ordered my decaf mocha. I paid the barista, then joined the small family at the end of the bar. 

Finally, at some point I realized there was an embarrassing “What if” question at the bottom of all my jangled nerves: “What if they don’t like me?”

While I had been waiting, a line had continued to form behind me. Now there was about six people waiting to get coffee. I looked at those in line to see if any of them were the women I was supposed to meet. None looked like the photo’s I’d seen online. 

Again, I took a deep breath. Why did I feel so nervous? Why is meeting new people so hard? Finally, at some point I realized there was an embarrassing “What if” question at the bottom of all my jangled nerves:

What if they don’t like me?

I wish I could say that after third grade, we don’t care about this question. Ok, at least after high school, or college, or our twenties—but, I think you know where this is going. Though it feels like we should be over caring about what other people think by now, many of us aren’t. I think that is possibly part of why it feels harder and harder to make new friends as an adult. 

We are all still afraid of rejection.

But what got me to that place, waiting for my decaf mocha and to hopefully meet some new friends, was the realization that new friendships are never made without risk. And also, the wisdom that this wasn’t my only chance at making new friends. If this group didn’t work out, it didn’t mean there is something wrong me. It didn’t mean there isn’t a group out there where I will belong. 

“What if they don’t like me?” may be a fear that creeps up on us for the rest of our lives. There may always be a dorky thirteen year old living inside us somewhere that is afraid of running into mean girls or bullies. But that doesn’t mean this fear is worth following.

There may always be a dorky thirteen year old living inside us somewhere that is afraid of running into mean girls or bullies. But that doesn’t mean this fear is worth following.

Instead, we need to remind ourselves we are no longer in the small world of our junior high. Rather, there is a big world out there—that the internet is making more accessible everyday—in which we can find our people. Not only people who like us, but who will also support us.

“Decaf Mocha” The barista yelled letting me know my coffee was up. I picked up my cup, took a sip, then I heard my name.

“Melissa?” I turned around to find one of the women I was waiting to meet. I smiled and she smiled back.

“Yes,” I said, then confirmed who she was based on her Facebook photo. Friendships are made one risky step at a time. Sometimes, with a little help from the internet.

When was the last time you were afraid people weren’t going to like you?

Where do you need to take a risk, and put yourself out there? 

Are you in the midst of making a decision? Contemplating a life change? If so, you may be interested in my FREE Making Changes Checklist that I give to all my email friends. Want your free copy?  subscribe here.