Friends, it’s May. Can you believe it? It feels like just yesterday we were talking about beginning 2019 strong, and here we are now, almost half way through. I hope wherever you are, your year is going better than expected. And if it’s not, you are finding strength for the journey.

Today, is a big day. For the first time in the life of this blog, we are doing a series entirely on Marriage. Beginning with this post, we are going talk about wedded bliss for the next four weeks. But, before I begin I have to admit something:

I am not a marriage expert.

I don’t have a degree in marriage and family psychology. Nor have I been married for decades. However, after being married for almost nine years, I do have some important and even helpful things to share when it comes to marriage. There are things Tony and I learned before we said, “I do” that have made a huge difference in our relationship. And since being married, there are even more lessons we’ve learned that I want to share to help other’s navigate the ups and downs of this important relationship. 

In the coming weeks you can expect some posts on mindset, teamwork, and even how to continue to have fun and keep the romance alive long after the honeymoon. If you are like I was, and your singleness season is going longer than you expected, it is my hope that the coming weeks will help you prepare for your future relationship. And please know, some singleness and dating posts will come in the future.  

In the meantime though, today I want to share a podcast interview I loved, and some words that prepared me for marriage. I also want to share some thoughts on leadership in this context. 

Love 

Last month, Annie F. Downs interviewed her friend and author, Emily P. Freeman, on her That Sounds Fun podcast. Twenty minutes in, Emily shares two lessons she and her husband have learned about going through hard transitions together, in a marriage. They are such good tips, and so worth the listen (click here  for this episode).

What things have you learned about relationships in times of transition? 

Learn

Before Tony and I even started dating, I read Longing For More, by Ruth Haley Barton. Though a book about the many facets of a woman’s life, Barton’s chapter on marriage is one I would recommend to anyone—both male and female. In it, she said these important words that helped shift my mindset to see that in no way can a spouse ever complete you. She says:

“We can love each other wholeheartedly, but that love cannot be expected to fill up the hole left by a mother or a father who could not love. One human being can be a source of deep joy to another but cannot single-handedly stave off depression. Being a husband or a wife can be a part of our identity for the time that God gives us to be together, but it cannot give ultimate meaning to our life…We can ease each other’s pain with our presence, but we must each take responsibility for whatever work needs to be done in our own life—be it forgiveness, righting past wrongs, grieving loss or wrestling with God.”

Going into our marriage without the belief we were supposed to complete each other, took so much pressure off. And it freed us to be who we can be for each other.

Where have you heard the idea that another person can complete you?

How would marriage be different if we were all free from this expectation?

Lead

When it comes to leadership and marriage, I think there are some people who think too much about it and others who don’t think about it nearly enough. In my formative years I went to churches and even a Christian school, where it was believed that the man was the leader in a marriage. Thankfully though, on our own marriage journey, Tony and I have found other voices that have affirmed what we have discovered:

Marriage is better when it is a team.

Sometimes Tony leads, and sometimes I lead. You can find more of my thoughts on this here and here. 

Have you thought about who leads in your marriage?

How has what you’ve been taught about leadership and marriage, affected your relationship?

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