Do you want to know what I think is the hardest part of becoming an adult? All of us, every single one of us, has been let down by an adult in our life. Whether we were kids, teens, or even in our twenties or thirties—we know someone older than us who didn’t act the way we thought they should. Who didn’t act the way an adult should.
Very often, it can be tempting to let other’s failures become our excuse for why we aren’t the human beings we should be. How often do we hear people say, “My dad wasn’t there for us,” or “My coach/boss/etc…” You would think simply knowing what they did was wrong, should be enough to inspire us to be different. Only sometimes the pain wounds us, and we walk with a limp we get used to.
The word “adulting” has been floating around now for a few years to talk about the mundane tasks of being an adult in our world. But the real adulting I think all of us over eighteen should be concerned about, is our emotional ability to not only care for ourselves, but care for those around us. Sure financial independence and regularly cleaning your living space is a part of that, it’s just not all of it.
In order for us to be whole adults, we need to take stock of where we are and the type of people we’re becoming. We need to ask if we are holding ourselves up to the same standards we wish the adults in our lives would live up to. Over the years, as I too have been figuring out this adulting thing, I’ve come up with a list of traits I believe we should work on and aspire to as grownups. They’re traits I am not perfect at, but ones that make such a difference in my world when I or one of the adults I know act in line with them.
I believe that as adults we should:
Know how to put others before ourselves and do so regularly.
In conversation and in action, things are so much better when we’re not the main focus. When we’re not always the person talking or the one who takes the last donut. We should seek to listen more, and when needed, go last.
Take responsibility for our actions.
Sure it’s easier to blame others. Especially when they’ve hurt us or they’re guilty too. But when we allow others to take our blame, we miss out on learning from our mistakes. We lose the integrity we’d gain, and the growth we’d experience. We need to think through our situations before we start pointing fingers.
Ask for help when we need it.
Being the “tough guy or girl” only isolates us from those who can truly help us. And being honest about what we don’t know, how we feel, or our own physical weakness gives those around us permission to be human too. Real adults don’t push through, they know life is a marathon, and they want to go the distance.
Get back up when we’re knocked down.
If a kid gives up learning how to ride a bike after the first time they fall, they’ll never experience the joy or freedom of riding a two-wheeler. Adults know life is too short to have regrets, and some dreams shouldn’t be given up on. They get up, even if it takes them a little time to find their footing.
Know our life is not just about us and act accordingly.
When we believe all our successes are solely for our own sense of pride and fulfillment, our accomplishments don’t bring us much joy. That is because we are meant to work, create, and serve one another with the gifts we’ve been given. When we do something on behalf of someone else, our sense of purpose and importance is greater than any title, trophy or check.
What traits do you feel all adults should have or work toward?
What things do you think we should know?
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Photo by Kyle Nieber on Unsplash
