Why We Need to Choose: Thoughts on Food, Life, & FOMO

Have you ever gone out to eat with friends, but when the food came, you wished you had ordered something else? You look around to see the people you’re with all digging into meals that look so much better, and you begin to feel jealous. Even if your meal is OK, it’s hard to appreciate it while you’re watching someone else eat something really good, right across from you. You try to hide it, but honestly,

You want what they have.

A few months ago, Tony and I went away for a weekend with our closest friends, and one night this happened to me. Trying to be good, toward the end of a weekend full of wine tastings, cannolis, and burgers and fries, I ordered a salad. Only, when it came out, it didn’t look as good as it sounded on the menu.

All of a sudden, I had this weird sense I was missing out. The feeling was so strong it surprised me. Inside began this dialogue that went something like:

“I didn’t want a salad. Why did I order a salad? Then, looking over at the other meals on the table: That looks so good, why didn’t I order that? Why did I order a salad?”

Finally, I had to tell my inner child that what I’d ordered wasn’t bad. I had to remind myself that later I would be glad when we’d stop for more cannolis. And you know what? Later, I was glad.

But in these moments, it’s hard to talk ourselves down off the ledge of FOMO. In these situations, our emotions can easily get the best of us. And it can be especially worse on days when we’re overtired, or already feeling a little emotionally weary. Only now, in 2018, eating out isn’t the only time we risk the possibility of experiencing the fear of missing out (FOMO).

Almost daily, social media gives us a window into the lives of people we are close to, people we admire, and people from middle school. Each time we scroll through our feed, we see at least five posts that have the potential to make us feel as if our lives or decisions aren’t good enough. And according to this article, we are checking our phones up to eighty times a day; giving us plenty of opportunities to feel this way.

Recently, I was listening to a podcast where a psychologist was being interviewed. She said one of the greatest concerns for our generation (the Millennials), is our FOMO. Because social media has connected us at all times, we can constantly compare what we’re doing to what all of our peers are doing. Because of this, she said:

FOMO is causing us to struggle with making decisions.

If a friend invites us to do something Friday night, but there is the possibility to do something better, we don’t commit. When it comes to life decisions—like choosing a career, buying a house, etc.—we waver because we wonder if there is something better out there. We struggle to commit in some of the most important areas of our lives, and then we wonder why we don’t feel grounded. Truer yet, why anxiety seems to plague us.

The answer to all of this, however, I believe goes much deeper than FOMO. FOMO is the huge wave crashing against a structure within us, that wasn’t strong to begin with. That structure is our own sense of self-worth and self-awareness.

By being so focused on what is going on outside of ourselves, we lose sight of who we are. We miss out on the important task of learning who we’re supposed to become. And we begin to believe that what is good for one, is good for all—rather than realizing that what is truly good for us, may not be Insta-worthy. What is good for you, may look very different from what is good for me. And that is OK.

That night in the restaurant, I had to remember I ordered the salad to be good to my body. No one else at that table was responsible to make that decision for me—they were responsible only for themselves. The same is true for our entire lives.

We have a choice.

We can allow ourselves to get caught up in FOMO. Or, we can decide to find our own path, stick to it, and enjoy the blessings that come from being and becoming the people we’re meant to be.