At the end of eighth grade, I tried out for the high school football cheerleading squad. Wearing an oversized t-shirt and gym shorts, I lined up with my friends and the other girls trying out. For three or four afternoons after school, I learned what a Herkie was and sort of how to do one. I was taught to clap a certain way, how to belt out cheers, and to smile constantly. And at the end of the week, I performed a cheer in front of three judges to show them I had what it took to be a cheerleader.

Only, I didn’t.

Or at least, not as much as the other girls who tried out. Because, when the list finally went up on the gym door the next week, my name wasn’t on it. Being accepted onto the squad wasn’t going to happen for me. I still remember the sinking feeling in my chest, while trying to keep a smile on my face to congratulate a friend whose name was on the list. It was awful.

Now to tell you the truth, before I tried out, I had never dreamed of being a cheerleader. Sure, the year before, I had watched that season’s squad walk the halls of our school, all decked out in glitter face paint and our school colors, and thought they looked cool. Yet, if I was honest with myself, performing jumps and cheers in a short skirt wasn’t my thing. Not being a part of the squad wasn’t what sunk my heart. Rather, it was the rejection I felt.

Because, isn’t that what we are all looking for in life—a little acceptance? More than any trophy, title, promotion, or set of pompoms, all of us have a deep desire to be wanted. To be picked. To be chosen. So even if it is something we don’t really want, it can still sting a little when our name isn’t on the list.

Acceptance matters to us.

However, as an adult, I am finding it is something we look for from others that we aren’t very good at giving to ourselves. Though by now, we should be the “grown ups” in this area, I think many of us are still kids. We are still looking for validation in the same way I was hoping to find it posted on the gym door. We are looking for it outside of ourselves.

Whether in friendships, at work, in dating, or in our marriages, so many of us are still looking to those around us to define who we are. When the only person other than God, who truly knows us—is us. We know who we are. And though that may be where the root of the problem lies—because we see the ugly parts of us no one else knows—it is also the answer.

When we are able to own both the beautiful and ugly parts of ourselves, we change. When we are able to accept ourselves fully, we stop needing our names to be on lists to believe we are valuable. We are, and that is enough.

It’s been more years than I would like to admit, since my fourteen year old self realized cheerleading wasn’t in her future. And as you could probably guess, it hasn’t been the most painful rejection in my life—not by far. But over the years, I have slowly begun to see that an important piece of being accepted, is accepting myself.

Since long before my attempt at cheerleading, I have known that God loves me, yet for years that truth did nothing to stop my search for acceptance. I still felt I needed someone else to affirm my identity. Only that someone, was me. I needed to believe that I was created in God’s image, that I was created valuable, and that through Jesus, I have received the ultimate acceptance. I needed to embrace this truth in order for it change the way I saw myself.

Coming to this place wasn’t easy or instant. Rather it has and in some ways, is still a process. But I am finding that when I live out of the belief that I am valuable, loved, and accepted by God, I am a much better person. Friendships, relationships, and opportunities are easier because they do not have to carry the weight of my insecurity. It’s not their job to accept me, it’s mine.

What do you believe about yourself?

How would your life change, if you accepted yourself fully?

 

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