Learn: How I Survived the Death of a Dream

When a dream dies, we can feel like failures. In some situations, there is a sting of rejection that is paralyzing. Add all of this to our broken hearts, and it can feel as if the world is ending. Only, it isn’t. And though everything seems to be screaming to us otherwise, our lives aren’t ending either. We must keep going in the midst of sometimes, unimaginable pain. We need to figure out a way to keep on living that involves more than binging on Netflix and eating carbs—but how?

A little over five years ago, one of my dreams died. I was in this place. We didn’t have Netflix, but that didn’t keep me from watching hours of old episodes of Gilmore Girls and Grey’s Anatomy on TV every afternoon. My dead dream involved leaving a job I loved, so for a few weeks I was able to sit on the couch. But eventually I realized—and wanted—to begin to move on.

Though the process took a lot longer than I would have liked, there are some things that helped me heal and begin to dream new dreams. Every person’s journey is different, so I know I can’t offer a fail-proof road map to a place where there is no more disappointment and our egos aren’t a little bruised. But if you are grieving the loss of a dream, here are a few things I did that I hope will help you on your journey:

Take Time to Grieve

You have lost something important to you. Whether others around you understand it or not, you are grieving. Don’t stuff it down or ignore the pain, hoping it will go away—because it won’t. The only way for you to heal without residual bitterness, shame, or resentment, is to make space in your life to process. Much of your life may still be busy and seem the same to everyone around you—but you know it isn’t the same. So take moments in your day—to grieve in silence, to talk about it with a trusted friend—maybe, even get angry before God.

Be Creative

As I shared a few week ago, I never thought I was a creative person—until I realized creativity doesn’t have to involve a paint brush. Within weeks of quitting my job, I decided to teach myself how to make bread—from scratch and without a bread maker. At first, my results were varied, but the simple act of creating something in the midst of a life season where everything seemed dead, felt therapeutic and almost rebellious. After realizing we couldn’t eat all the bread I was making, I moved onto other creative activities like knitting, jam making in the summer after picking strawberries, scrapbooking, and eventually writing. Resurrect an old hobby or try something new—use your hands to help bring your heart back to life.

Find Your People

Now, I know at first, you may not want to, but at some point, you will need to talk. Like cleaning out old and broken things from a closet, you will need to express all the feelings aching within. For this, a counselor may be beneficial. But you also need to find your people. Your people are the ones who won’t see you as a failure or the mangled person you feel like at the moment. They will hang out with you when you don’t have much to say, cry with you if that is what is needed, and listen when the damn finally breaks inside, and you have to talk.

Get Active

At some point in my grieving process, I realized I had a lot of anger I didn’t know what to do with. Talking, praying, and journaling helped—but sometimes I needed to physically express how I was feeling. Around that time, my husband and I decided that we wanted to get in shape again (I say again for him, I don’t know that I was ever, truly in shape in my life), so we started going to the gym. Soon my power walking became running. I found that running and working out helped me release a lot of the tension I was feeling, which enabled me to process my thoughts and emotions in a healthier way. Find a way to incorporate movement in your daily life—take a walk on your lunch break or even join a gym.