Five years ago, I completed P90X3.
Words, I never thought I’d be able to say, let alone write. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the program, it is an intense at-home workout regimen that has you using muscles you never thought you had. It also requires you to workout six days a week for ninety days straight.
As someone who spent most of her life without a weekly workout routine at all, this accomplishment still feels like nothing short of a miracle. The fact that I was able to commit to such a physically demanding daily routine is a touch stone I go back to when seeking to build new routines in my life. But—it would’ve been harder to do if Tony and I hadn’t decided to do it together. And, it wouldn’t have been doable if we hadn’t completed the first step in creating a routine as a couple:
We named our values.
That year, we had been invited by Tony’s old Boy Scout leaders to go to the Boundary Waters in Northern Minnesota. For eight days, we would canoe, portage, and camp in the lakes that border Canada. Tony had been before, but it would be the most rustic camping I’d ever done, and the most physically challenging trip I’d ever been on.
So why did we agree to such an adventure?
And why did we decide to train using P90X3?
The simple answer to both those questions, they aligned with our values. Over the years, Tony and I have had many conversations about what matters most in our life together. P90X3 and our trip to the Boundary Waters ticked a lot of those boxes.
We value being in nature. We love adventure. We believe stretching ourselves physically (within reason) is good for our health. And being with family and friends is important to us.
Naming what matters most to us as couple, has become a compass in our life.
If we’d never discussed or named those values together, we may not have said yes to these opportunities and challenges. Naming what matters most to us as couple, has become a compass in our life. It’s helped us weigh each new opportunity and see how it aligns with what we feel called to do and be in this world. But most importantly, it has helped us determine the practices we want (or need) to do daily and weekly to enable us to say yes to such opportunities.
Routines aren’t just the building blocks for change in our life, they are the foundation on which new dreams can be made a reality. Only, if we don’t discuss with our spouse what matters most in our life together, we may leave a series of unfinished foundations in our wake. Abandoned attempts to become healthier, learn a new skill or hobby, grow spiritually, pursue a half baked dream, or even find healing in our marriage.
Our values are our “why.”
Without a “why,” committing to any routine in this challenging world we live in, is almost impossible. Building a routine with your spouse that only one of you half believes in, isn’t worth the effort. Before rebuilding your current routines with your spouse, or creating new ones, a discussion about your values for both your marriage and your marriage in this season is necessary.
Building a routine with your spouse that only one of you half believes in, isn’t worth the effort.
I wish I could tell you Tony and I are still in P90X3 shape now, five years later—but we aren’t. As is true for many of us, the pandemic has changed a lot of our plans and dreams for over a year now. Not only that but a few injuries (mine), have kept us from pursuing a high impact exercise routine in this season. We still value all of the same things we did the year we went to the Boundary Waters. Only, as we’ve also bought a house in a new city this past year, other things we value have come to the forefront.
Committing to daily or weekly practices are too hard to do without both of your hearts in it.
In marriage, there will be core values that you and your spouse must first name because those will guide you always. But then, in each season, it’s also important to discuss what matters most for your life together in your current circumstances. Setting up routines to help you move toward the goals and dreams you have as a couple, has to start with what is important to you. Committing to daily or weekly practices are too hard to do without both of your hearts in it. If you and your spouse have been wanting to create a new routine, start by naming your values.
What routines have you and your spouse tried?
What are your core values? Your values in this season? How may they help you both refine your daily routines?
If you want more help in finding your rhythm when it comes to routines–or just a friend for this crazy journey called life–sign up for my email list today and receive two extra posts and other fun resources in your inbox every month! Sign up here and also receive my free resource on creating space in our lives for what is most important.
