On Turning Forty, Making Bucket Lists, & Redefining What Matters

Do not resent growing old, many are denied the privilege —Irish Proverb

When you were eighteen, who did you think you’d be at the age you are now? Looking back at myself at that time, I could see who I’d be in college. I could see myself at twenty-five. But I couldn’t see beyond that. I certainly couldn’t see myself today.

I had this I idea that I should create a 40 Before 40 Bucket List.

This week, I’m getting ready for my second pandemic birthday, and it’s a big one. I’m turning forty. And at some point a few months ago, I had this I idea that I should create a 40 Before 40 Bucket List. To come up with forty things I’d like to do before reaching this milestone. I’d seen a few bloggers do it online and it looked fun.

Until I remembered we’re still in the middle of a pandemic.

Creating a list of things I wish I’d already done with my life, then trying to do them in a time where so many things are shut down or restricted, felt self defeating. So about a minute after letting the idea go, I had another thought. I’d make a different list entirely.

I got out my journal, and began numbering the lines on just over two pages—one to forty. Then I started writing out forty things I’ve done in my life. Things I never dreamed I’d get to do, but did. Trips I’ve taken. Foods or crafts I’ve learned how to make. Goals I’ve reached. Obstacles I’ve overcome. And I discovered something interesting about this list:

There weren’t enough lines.

As the pages in my notebook began to fill up, I found myself trying to weigh out what experiences I’ve had in my life that were more important than others. What lessons I’ve learned or places I’ve been that shaped me the most. What ones made me feel alive. And what ones have brought me life.

The truth is, every single one has made me who I am.

I kept writing, until all forty lines were filled. Then I wondered what I should do with this list. Even, if I should share it with you. But then I thought all our lives are so different. They are meant to be. Sharing my list may just tempt you to compare. To see where you’ve done better, or realize what you’re still waiting to do in life. And none of that felt good.

One of the biggest downfalls of our culture right now is that we know too much about the good going on in people’s lives, but none of the bad.

Thanks to social media, one of the biggest downfalls of our culture right now is that we know too much about the good going on in people’s lives, but none of the bad. This can lead us all to an unhealthy amount of discontentment. And a false sense of success or failure depending on who we’re following.

So instead of detailing my 40 Before 40 list in this post, I’ve decided to give you a summary. If I was to pick three things I am grateful I’ve been able to do in my life—besides invest in my relationships with others—it would be these three:

I am grateful that from a young age, I developed a relationship with Jesus and a faith that is bigger than all the ways the church disappoints me or the world troubles me.

I am thankful I took my friends’ advice and got counseling.

And it’s been a gift whenever I’ve been able to travel. Each trip I’ve taken has taught me more about the world and myself than I ever would have learned staying at home.

For this reason, before your next birthday—whatever age you’re turning—I want to invite you to do the same. Write out your own list of experiences, lessons, and trips you’ve taken so far in your life. I promise, the list is longer than you think.

Write out your own list of experiences, lessons, and trips you’ve taken so far in your life. I promise, the list is longer than you think.

In our culture, turning forty seems to be the “official” age that you begin to cross over from being young to being “middle aged.” Initially, this birthday felt a little daunting. But as I wrote my list, I realized how exciting it is, that there are so many more lines that will be filled in the future.