When I was a kid, I thought loneliness was sitting alone at the lunch table at school. Having no one to hang out with at recess. Or that temporary feeling I’d get when my closest friend was on vacation with her family. Little did I know, there are so many kinds of lonely, and as we go through life, we feel them all.
There are so many kinds of lonely, and as we go through life, we feel them all.
There is the kind of loneliness that comes when we leave home and realize for the first time, we are on our own. The kind that misses your mom’s cooking, or even having random fights with your siblings. The kind that makes you realize your family has been a shelter for you, and in a sense, you are now unprotected.
Later, there’s the lonesomeness you feel when all your friends start dating and you don’t. They get married and all of a sudden there’s not much time for coffee dates or “girls’ nights.” When everybody pairs up, it’s awful being the spare.
Then, there’s the kind no one tells you about: the loneliness that can come in a career. Perhaps the job isn’t what you thought it would be. Or maybe like me, you found you were the only of your kind (age, gender, race, etc.) in the room. That is the kind of loneliness that makes you doubt yourself. That lies and tells you, you don’t belong.
Only, even if you meet your “someone,” find your place in your career, and move back to live close to family—the loneliness doesn’t just leave. It doesn’t go away permanently.
Loneliness always seems to find us.
2020 has been no exception. This week, it might have looked like voting differently than your friends or family. This month, perhaps working from home has made you feel isolated. This year, it’s definitely been social distancing from our people. Spending significantly less time with our loved ones has taken a toll on us all. And as the weather is getting colder, we’re all dreading what life will look like without our outside meetups.
In all our efforts to prevent and fight COVID, loneliness has been the least talked about, yet one of the worst (non illness related) side effects.
In all our efforts to prevent and fight COVID, loneliness has been the least talked about, yet one of the worst (non illness related) side effects. Only, as we’re heading into winter, we need to talk about it. We need to name this loneliness, because if we’re not feeling it already—it’s coming.
Rather than letting it sneak up on us in the midst of—or after—the Holidays, we need to make a plan. It’s time to figure out how we are going to find connection over the next few months, as some of our seasonal options are falling away. We have to ask ourselves what worked well for us during quarantine, as well as what didn’t. And finally, we need to do something that is daunting for all of us:
We have to make the first move.
To raise our hand in the air and say to our friends and loved ones, “I’m lonely.” It’s humbling and a little scary. But chances are, those we open up to feel the same. And instead of suffering silently, we may be able to schedule virtual or carefully planned meet ups to keep the dark, loneliness of winter from being unbearable.
Friend, we’re all feeling lonely.
You aren’t the only one.
Only, as I’ve found in my loneliest moments—the only one who can rescue me, is me. The people in my life don’t know I’m feeling alone, unless I tell them. No one else is responsible for our relational well being, but us. It’s time for us to make our move.
How have you felt lonely this season?
Who in your life do you need to reach out to?
What creative forms of connection are feeding your soul this season?
Have you too, struggled with finding focus since the Pandemic? Are you having a hard time feeling productive because you feel mentally exhausted? Sign up for my email list today, and receive a free copy of my Six Ways to Find Focus in a Pandemic. It will help you find your footing again.
Photo by Fabrizio Verrecchia on Unsplash
