I have a confession to make:

My jeans don’t fit.

Sure, I can still button them. But you don’t want to see what’s rolling over. I promise, I won’t go into anymore details except to say, if you see me wearing big sweaters, you’ll know why. 

Slowly, over the past few years, I’ve been gaining weight. Last year was the worst. It probably didn’t help that my gluten and sugar-free standards were thrown out the window for our Team Schlies Bakery Tour of 2019. Or, that there were some other things I also let slide. But if I look at the overall picture, there was one sneaky culprit that got me in the most trouble.

Before I get to that however, let me share how I’ve decided to deal with my jeans issue. I am cutting back and cutting out. Beginning the second day of January, I decided to eat less of some things. While, for at least this month, I added dairy and alcohol to my avoid list of sugar and gluten. I am keeping a food journal and working on an exercise schedule. But I have to tell you,

A few days in, and it sucked.

My body began detoxing from all the “sins” committed over Christmas. I felt lethargic and often had a headache. But none of that was as bad as being reminded of the real reason I was in this place. Of the culprit that seemed to find me in my afternoon lows of craving chocolate, or my Friday night angst that had me asking Tony if he wanted to make drinks or open a bottle of wine. 

In the midst of my detoxing, cranky state it became so clear. My problem is not fitting into my jeans… [it’s] more about my emotions and how I’ve chosen to numb them.

In the midst of my detoxing, cranky state it became so clear. My problem is not fitting into my jeans. My problem is not even food or alcohol. At the root, my weight gain is more about my emotions and how I’ve chosen to numb them. 

Over the past few years, like many of us, I’ve faced some hard things. Including the illness and loss of loved ones. Sometimes, life circumstances cause or expose emotions we don’t want—or know—how to handle. So our first response is to numb them. But then, we go into the New Year and decide to make a change—only the things we’re taking away are the very things we’ve been using to hold us up. 

I have a feeling many of us have jumped into 2020 seeking change. Only when it comes to our weight, health, or even our finances—what has gotten us into this troubled place is more about our emotional state than anything else. And unless we choose to embrace and learn how to healthily work through our emotions, they are going to be why we give up. Why all the good work we’ve begun this month, will falter as time goes by.

We go into the New Year and decide to make a change—only the things we’re taking away are the very things we’ve been using to hold us up.

Sharing with you today about my jeans, is not easy. As your friend and a life coach, I would love to have you believe I have it all figure out. Or, at least that I’ve fully figured out how to handle my emotions without reaching for a mocha latte. But the truth is, I am working on it.

So in addition to not drinking, giving up dairy, and everything else, this month I’m working on embracing my emotions. Rather than numbing them when they come up, I am going to try to pay better attention to what they are telling me. And when I need to, I am going to talk about them to a few trusted people in my life.

Learning to give our emotions the grace and attention they need will often be an important part of the process of change.

Life is harder than we admit. Most of us are just trying to hold it together so much of the time. But that doesn’t mean that change isn’t possible. It just means that learning to give our emotions the grace and attention they need will often be an important part of the process. 

How are you seeking change in 2020?

Where have your emotions been trying to tell you something?

*Stay tuned for Thursday’s post in which I will share a few ways to healthily deal with the challenges of making change in the New Year.

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Photo by Jason Leung on Unsplash