About a month ago, on social media, people were posting photo’s of themselves from 2009 next to photos of themselves from this year. It was called “The Decade Challenge,” as we are all heading into a whole new decade. For a variety of reasons, I didn’t participate. But this “challenge” did make me compare my 2009 to my 2019.
For me, 2009, was one of the best years of my life. With my job, I went to both Chile and India. I climbed a mountain for the first time. I finally felt like I had a life and friendships outside of my job. And—Tony and I fell in love.
2009 was a great year. When it began, I was single and drinking Chai in India. When it ended, we were planning our wedding. It is amazing what can happen in a year. Only, it can also be equally as hard.
For us, 2019 didn’t go the way we hoped. Sure, there were some really great high points. Tony and I saw a few great concerts on our trip to Nashville. We tasted wine in Sonoma and Napa, as well as watched the sun go down over the Pacific on our California trip. And we saw the sun rise over the Atlantic on a quick Cape Cod getaway we squeezed in last month, before visiting family for Thanksgiving.
This past year, we also created some great memories with our closest friends and family. We saw friends we hadn’t seen since our wedding. And celebrated the marriage of one of my students who I have known since she was in the seventh grade.
Really good things did happen this year, but really hard ones did too.
Last January, Tony lost a friend and former co-worker, who had also become my friend. His name was Phil. He worked at our local farmers market and he used to light the place up with his joy and kindness. At his funeral, a close friend of his shared some of Phil’s past. When he was younger, Phil had gotten into some bad stuff. Then he met Jesus and everything changed. He became a mentor to young men, and from what we heard he was the same great light everywhere he went.
Four months later, I learned that one of my favorite Christian writers and theologians, Rachel Held Evans was in a medically induced coma because of an allergic reaction. Two weeks later, she was gone. Rachel had been a voice I needed in a hard season. I had been a part of the launch team for one of her books. And I had met her once at a book signing. Rachel was my age. The loss of her voice and life so early, is still so hard to grasp.
Then, one night soon after, Tony came home from a work dinner. As he was telling me about how things went with a customer, I heard a low buzz coming from across the room. I grabbed his phone and saw that it was his dad. I passed it to Tony and he picked up. The next thing I knew he was saying, “No!”
His friend, mentor, and former Boy Scout leader, Bob, had passed away.
Three summers ago, he and his wife, Lark, had taken me, Tony, Tony’s brother, and our sister-in-law into the wilderness of the Boundary Waters in northern Minnesota. They had taken Tony and his brother’s troop there when they were kids. For eight days, we camped, canoed, and portaged from lake to lake without electricity, cell service, showers, or real toilets. Both Bob and Lark were so good to us on that trip.
The loss was acute, and both of us are still feeling it.
Usually, around this time every year, I share a post on what I learned in the last twelve months. Sometimes, I share fun or silly things we learned on our travels. Often, I share something poignant that I learned. But this year, this dark cloud of loss as well as a few life areas that we feel stuck in, has made things heavy and hard.
There are some years where life feels all shiny and new. And other years, where it takes longer than that year alone to process all that has happened.
So rather than pretend all is well, and glossing over these difficult things, I am sharing them today. There are some years where life feels all shiny and new. And other years, where it takes longer than that year alone to process all that has happened. For me, 2019 was the latter.
On Thursday, I am going to share our Start Here Dream Planner for 2020. In it there will be a place to look back on 2019. But if like me, you too had a challenging year, I want to encourage you to be honest about the hard. It’s ok, if like me, you’re still trying to make sense of it all—while knowing deep down, some things will never make sense.
Where were you in 2009?
How has 2019 been for you?
Do you feel mentally and/or emotionally overloaded by both real life and the Holidays? If so, sign up for my email list and get your FREE copy of my Five Steps to Declutter Your Mind, to help you find clarity and peace this season.
Photo by Jason Blackeye on Unsplash
