In our kitchen, on the shelf just above our toaster, you will find a small bronze colored tool that looks like a wrench. It came with a piece of Ikea furniture we bought years ago. And somehow, it got repurposed for pulling things out of our toaster oven.
Once our food is cooked, the hot oven rack is too small to grab with a mitt, so we reach in there and hook it with this “wrench.” Then, we drag it out. Only, it doesn’t work that well. In fact sometimes, I still burn myself. Yet here we are, years later, still reaching for the “wrench,” whenever we need to pull toast out of the toaster.
In life we all have tools. Some of them are physical, and some of them are mental. And like our toaster “wrench,” we don’t use many of them in the way they were intended. Perhaps initially we did, but for whatever reason, we’ve gotten stuck in a rhythm of using certain tools in a way that doesn’t serve us the way they could, or should.
A prime example of this, is comparison. Like I alluded to earlier this month, I had to ask myself when I began writing this series, if comparison was good for anything. I wondered, why do we have the ability to compare ourselves to others when it seems to cause us so much harm?
Why do we have the ability to compare ourselves to others when it seems to cause us so much harm?
The answer, like so many things, is that the skill of comparison is meant for our good. It really does have the ability to help us. Only most of us have never learned how to use it properly.
Comparison, I believe, is meant to be a tool for learning. It was never meant to fill us with shame or embarrassment the way it does when used to point out our shortcomings. Rather it is something that can help us reach for and grow in the areas that truly matter to us.
The skill of comparison is meant for our good… Only most of us have never learned how to use it properly.
A great example of this is the time I taught myself how to make bread. Armed with a few online recipes and a fantastic book by Peter Reinhart, I set about learning how to make sandwich, Ciabatta, Focaccia, and Challah bread. But that last one really tripped me up.
The first time I made Challah bread, I was using the wrong yeast. I got the temperature wrong on the water. And I found myself with a very wet dough that resembled cake batter. But, if I hadn’t had the photo’s in the book to compare with my product, I wouldn’t have known I made a few mistakes. Nor would I have learned how to fix them.
All of us have jobs, interests, or hobbies, where we long to grow or improve. Part of why we want to get better in the first place, is due to seeing the work of others. But the real gift comparison gives us, is the opportunity to learn the process other people follow. In most cases, their process won’t fit us perfectly, but it often will give us clues on how to develop our own.
The real gift comparison gives us, is the opportunity to learn the process other people follow.
The key to using comparison in its proper form, is to approach it with a spirit of learning. We must start by accepting and having grace for ourselves for not being where we want to be. Then and only then, can we enter into comparing our work to others from a place of humility. We need to ask good questions about other people’s processes, creative journeys, and the tools they use to get the results they’ve achieved.
However, as we do this, we must remember observing their success is not meant to point out where we lack. It is merely a guide to help us figure out our own path. Our journey is not meant to be the same as their journey. Our life’s purpose is not to try to keep up with other people, but rather to live our lives to the best of our ability.
Our life’s purpose is not to try to keep up with other people, but rather to live our lives to the best of our ability.
It is my hope, that you and I learn how to use this skill of comparison in a way that helps us, rather than harms us. That we may remember our worth does not diminish based on someone else’s beauty, popularity, or success. And that our job, is to focus in on our lane.
When have you used comparison in a way that made you feel bad?
What is one way you can use comparison to help you grow?
Does the endless scroll and the temptation to compare yourself to others have your mind on overload? If so, sign up for my email list and get your FREE copy of my Five Steps to Declutter Your Mind, to help you find clarity, peace, and freedom on this journey.
Photo by Monika Grabkowska on Unsplash
