“Comparison is the thief of Joy”
—Theodore Roosevelt
Recently, I was listening to a podcast by a gifted writer who also has a good size social following. At the beginning of the episode, the host/writer shared how fun it has been to see her newest book on the shelves in bookstores. Then she went on to thank her listeners for all the downloads her show had reached. And I hate to admit it, but I began to feel jealous.
Now, you may not want to write books or possibly have a podcast someday, like I do. But you do want something. And I am guessing you too, know what it is like to feel jealous.
Jealousy is the extroverted child of comparison. When it gets inside our hearts and minds, it is the loudest guest. Like a song stuck on replay, it recounts what its parent has already told us, over an over. It reminds us of someone else’s long list of accomplishments, then holds it up against our shorter, seemingly less important list.
When comparison pays us a visit, it doesn’t take us out of the game on its own. It brings jealousy and shame along with it. It turns our eyes away from the good we are doing in our own lives, and makes us look at everybody else. Only, Exhibit A, B, and C are all taken from Instagram. Not only is it showing us everyone else’s highlight reels—we’re also seeing them through the perfect filter.
When we let them in, comparison and its family can do a lot of damage. They can make us question our worth, success, and even the goals and vision we have for our lives. They can distract and derail us from the good work we are doing—for five minutes, five hours, or even five years of our lives.
Comparison can distract and derail us from the good work we are doing—for five minutes, five hours, or even five years of our lives.
Comparison makes us believe we belong in someone else’s lane. Worse, it would have us believe we are meant to run someone else’s race. One, we are clearly not winning because we can’t keep up with them and we’re not meant to.
When I was in college, I came across this quote in a textbook from Saint Irenaeus in AD 202:
“The Glory of God is man fully alive.”
In other words, Irenaeus was saying God is most pleased when we are our best, most true selves. Not, when we try to be like someone else. Our purpose and joy is not found in being as successful, beautiful, or insta famous, as those we follow. In fact, another one of my favorite theologians, Frederick Buechner said,
“The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet.”
Buechner was saying there is something joy-inducing about doing what you’ve been made to do and being who you’ve been created to be. Not only that, but when we are our fullest, truest selves, we are most able to meet the needs in our communities that are ours to meet.
When you and I get caught up in a comparison scroll, or hold our lives up against that of someone we know, we always lose. We’re never happy. In fact we’re more likely to enter a shame spiral.
But when you and I take our eyes off of everybody else, our perspective and mood shifts. When we are able to focus on figuring our what we are good at and what brings us joy—then we are able to move toward the success and purpose that is meant for us in this world. And eventually, we are even able to cheer on the uber successful podcaster/writer.
When we are able to focus on figuring our what we are good at and what brings us joy—then we are able to move toward the success and purpose that is meant for us in this world.
That day, when I began to compare myself to the thriving podcast host, I stopped and asked myself why I starting to feel jealous. It wasn’t the number of books she’s sold or downloads of her podcast. It was that her niche, the things she writes and talks about, is so her. She is clearly in her lane. And it reminded me, to keep running and exploring mine.
When was the last time you caught yourself on a comparison spiral?
What would it look like for you to focus in on your lane?
Stay tuned for Thursday’s post where I will share five tips to focusing on your lane and avoiding comparison.
Does the endless scroll and the temptation to compare yourself to others have your mind on overload? If so, sign up for my email list and get your FREE copy of my Five Steps to Declutter Your Mind, to help you find clarity, peace, and freedom on this journey.
Photo by Siddharth Bhogra on Unsplash
