I’m a big believer in paying attention. Not just to stop lights or people talking to me, but also to myself. In my twenties, I learned the hard way that to live a healthy life, it’s crucial to pay attention to both our bodies and our emotions. 

But our emotions are tricky things.

Wrapped up with our thoughts, they can direct us toward beautiful and wonderful endeavors. Or, if our thoughts aren’t good, they can send us spiraling for hours or days down a destructive path. In other words, to take care of our emotions, we need to guard our thoughts. 

Only, we live in a world of input. Information and data is constantly at our fingertips and streaming at us through a screen. And if we aren’t careful, comparison can stream right into our consciousness along with it. This is a problem because,

Comparison is paying attention to the wrong things.

It fine focuses us on all the details that taken alone, can undermine our sense of self worth and accomplishments. It leads us down a dark path toward a pity party where envy and shame are the guests of honor. A party, where we need to find the exit. 

So how do we break ourselves free from a comparison spiral?

Over the years, I have found two crucial ways to break free. The first is to speak truth. To remind myself of my worth and of all the things I’ve done that matters. This dispels the shame comparison gives us. But the second way, undermines the envy:

I get curious. 

I ask myself “how did I get here in the first place?” What was I feeling beforehand, that led me to compare myself to someone else? And what can I do to take care of that feeling? 

Another thing I ask is “what about this person is making me feel jealous?” In this post, Glennon Doyle wrote, “We are only envious of those already doing what we were made to do. Envy is a big flashing arrow pointing towards our destiny.” Many times we are willing participants in following comparison’s path because we deeply believe we want what we see. 

But what if another person’s journey is simply meant to awaken us to our own? Only, if we get caught up in envy, we will miss the big flashing arrow. If we don’t break the spiral of comparison with curiosity, it’ll just be us, envy, and shame. 

If we don’t break the spiral of comparison with curiosity, it’ll just be us, envy, and shame.

Whereas, if we get curious, we’ll shift our minds toward what could be over what isn’t. We’ll get off the trajectory toward self-loathing or discouragement, and get on one toward discovery. One that is live-giving and comparison ending. 

If we get curious, we’ll shift our minds toward what could be over what isn’t.

For me, recently, curiosity looked like realizing I was envious of another writer because her niche fits her so well. Then, having faith that I have my own niche that fits me just as well, I got back to work on seeking to find it. Focusing on her success, won’t help me on my journey. In same way, focusing on others, won’t help you on yours. 

Believing comparison is telling us the truth about us, is dangerous for our emotions. Not only that, it’s detrimental to our self worth. But we have a choice. We can choose comparison’s path to envy and shame, or we can choose truth and curiosity to help lead us to freedom.

When was the last time you compared yourself to someone else?

How can you be curious the next time?

Does the endless scroll and the temptation to compare yourself to others have your mind on overload? If so, sign up for my email list and get your FREE copy of my Five Steps to Declutter Your Mind, to help you find clarity, peace, and freedom on this journey.

 

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash