In the months following our wedding, people used to ask Tony how he liked being married. Usually this was from guys he knew through business or from church. And he would always answer with these three words:
“Marriage is awesome.”
To which, these men, who were older or had been married longer, would reply,
“Just wait.”
Or, “Sure it is, now.”
As if with enough time I, his Cinderella, was going to turn into the wicked step mother. Or, to use the Little Mermaid example, he would discover he had married Ursula, not Ariel. That everything was wonderful because we were in the honeymoon phase, but it wouldn’t last.
Marriage can bring up a mixed bag of feelings for people. Depending on your experience, it may make you think of white dresses, sparkly rings, and tropical honeymoon vacations. Or, it could elicit painful memories of your parents fighting, perhaps even separating, when you were a kid. And, if you’ve been married any amount of time, your feelings may vary somewhere between bitter and bliss.
Marriage is beautiful.
Marriage is hard.
Both are true. At times, simultaneously. Only the latter catches many of us off guard. Because love begins buoyantly euphoric, it can be shocking when it finally hits the hard pavement of reality. When the imperfections of our beloved other—or our own—come to light.
Marriage is beautiful because it is two people seeing the good in one another. Two people tying their lives and future to one another. It is two people believing they can be better together than they ever could be apart.
Only marriage is hard because those two people are also imperfect. Those two people have faults, make mistakes, and often are carrying the pain of their past into their union. But that isn’t all. Even if each learn to own their crap—they take responsibility, go to counseling, make the necessary changes, etc.—marriage isn’t a cakewalk.
Marriage is hard because life is hard. There are unexpected losses of parents, jobs or even friends. If you decide to have kids there may be infertility, illness, and at minimum the normal pressures of raising a family.
As I said, marriage is hard because life is hard. Only here is the truth we often can’t see: marriage is beautiful because we choose to go through all of this hard together. Marriage is beautiful when we fight through the hard, and find ourselves closer on the other side.
Here is the truth we often can’t see: marriage is beautiful because we choose to go through all of this hard together. Marriage is beautiful when we fight through the hard, and find ourselves closer on the other side.
Tony and I didn’t get married until the absolute end of our twenties. This means we had the benefit of seeing the married lives of our friends after the honeymoon. We went in knowing marriage is both hard and beautiful. But we also knew, the latter part was up to us. So, when Tony was told “just wait,” it made us work that much harder to bring out the beautiful. Of making sure the good part of our marriage grew, instead of ending with the honeymoon phase.
If you ask Tony today, after almost nine years of marriage, he would still say,
“Marriage is awesome.”
Not because life has been easy or that we haven’t had our own share of struggles. And also, not that we are naive and think the future won’t offer us its own challenges. But because we keep choosing to fight through the hard together. Also, above all, we know getting to do this life with each other, is a gift.
What perceptions do you have of marriage?
How have they been shaped by your experiences?
How are they shaping how you relate to your partner?
Are you in the midst of making a decision? Contemplating a life change? If so, you may be interested in my FREE Making Changes Checklist that I give to all my email friends. Want your free copy? subscribe here.
