“What will people think?”

Sometimes, what is holding us back is as simple as these four little words. Seconded only by “What will people say?” The power that these two small questions have is incalculable. Because, no matter where we were born, what our family was like, or where we went to school, we all know the sting of criticism. And it is our natural response to try to avoid the pain. 

Only what happens when the thing you know you’re meant to do, the thing you should do, or the thing you can’t stop dreaming about—could put you in the way of criticism? Could make you the topic of gossip? Or worse, make you the subject of pity?

One of our greatest felt dangers we experience in life is going against the crowd. Or perhaps more scary, falling face first into the dirt in front of them.

In science and psychology, we often hear people talk about the fight or flight response in relationship to danger. But how often do we hear people talk about this same response in relation to the risk our callings or dreams require? Or, the risk doing the right thing requires? Because one of our greatest felt dangers we experience in life is going against the crowd. Or perhaps more scary, falling face first into the dirt in front of them. 

As human beings, we are wired for connection. We are built to be in relationship with those around us. So no matter how many times we bravely say we don’t care what people think, we care. We feel the tension of losing that connection in our bones. That is why the possibility of failure can feel so terrifying. 

Only, does this mean we shouldn’t try?

That we let the question “What will people think?” dictate what we do and don’t do? 

In a series where we’ve been talking about the things that hold us back—to bring them out into the light, to take away some of their power—you know, the answer to these questions is a big NO. However, how do we ignore our flight impulse when criticism seems imminent? How do we stick to the path, when judgement comes at us prematurely? When we’re no where near where we’re headed? 

Over the years, I’ve chosen and kept to a few paths where criticism was present or promised. Some, I persevered naively expecting things to get better. Others, I walked painfully slow, trying to control the damage. But every path I chose in the face of possible opposition, I did so because I believed what I was doing was important—either to the people I was serving, or to becoming fully myself. 

How do we ignore our flight impulse when criticism seems imminent?

Each of us have some area of our lives where “What will people think?” is to us, more powerful than the thing we’re considering doing. In these areas, it is important for us to take the longview. We need to ask, where we will be in ten or even twenty years if we don’t try to do this thing? Will we be glad? Will it matter? Or will we regret it? 

Sadly, the people in our lives will come and go. The very people whose opinion we’re worried about today, may not be around in the future. Is their possible criticism important enough to keep us from listening to our calling, following our dreams, or doing what we know is right? 

It is important for us to take the longview. We need to ask, where we will be in ten or even twenty years if we don’t try to do this thing? Will we be glad? Will it matter? Or will we regret it?

Now, I know some of the people we are worried about are in our family. Family will always be in our life. In this case, we need to remember our family loves us, even if they show it in some not so fun ways. But we also need to question where their criticisms are coming from. Are they from a place of concern for us? Or judgement? The former, we need to take into consideration, the latter we need to do our best to overcome. 

If you’re allowing “What will people think?” to hold you back from doing what you’re longing to do, it’s time to look at the big picture. It’s time to ask,

What will your life look like if you don’t do this thing?

What could your life look like if you do?

Are you in the midst of making a hard decision? Contemplating a big life change? If so, you may be interested in my FREE Making Changes Checklist that I give to all my email friends. Want your free copy?  subscribe here.

 

Photo by Matthias Wagner on Unsplash