“…The very things you think you need most desperately are the things that can transform you the most profoundly when you do finally decide to release them.”

—Shauna Niequist

Sometimes, the hardest no’s in our lives are the ones we have to tell ourselves. They’re the ones that often begin with a whisper, “I am not going to have dessert this week.” “I am only going to have one drink.” Only they’re ignored when the stress gets too much, or everyone else is having another. 

We don’t listen to the whisper, so we say it a little louder to ourselves. Then again, feel like failures when we don’t follow through. At times, we’re filled with guilt and shame. So much so that we figure we’re already past the point of no return, so we keep going. 

It could be food, alcohol, any type of media. Anything we’ve used for comfort, only it has become much more. We’re a people trying to fill a void with things that only temporarily satisfy. Things, that leave us coming back for more. Yet we can’t begin to choose what will give us longterm satisfaction, until we say, “no” to the things we keep reaching for.

Scrolling through social media.

Binging the same shows over and over.

Another glass of wine. 

Mostly things that in moderation aren’t bad. But some of us know we’ve turned them into something else. For me, it was sugar. I know it doesn’t sound like much. As it is in almost every processed food we eat, it seems harmless. But for me, it wasn’t. 

Sugar wasn’t a treat for me, it was a coping mechanism. It was what I turned to when I wanted energy for the day. It was the daily candy or cookies I ate when I was stressed or sad. And, though I didn’t know it yet—it was why I was hungry all of the time. As a girl who struggled with her weight for years, my hunger always won out over my desire to lose weight. And every time, I felt like a failure. 

For most of my life, sugar had me in a constant cycle of defeat. Until, I learned how to say no in more than just a whisper. I found a new way of eating that left me filled (see more in this post). I learned how to plan my meals to ward off temptation. And having a supportive spouse, I found built in accountability. But more than anything, I learned

Saying no to ourselves takes work. 

It means planning ahead, changing our routines, and choosing to stick to the path. It also means asking for help from those around you. Especially when our thing is not just damaging to ourselves.

A friend once told me about his struggle with pornography. When it was at its worst, he said he had to have his wife put a password on their home computer that only she knew. The temptation was too great when he was home alone. In that season, he had to ask for help from those around to him to put up some hard “no’s”—boundaries that would help him learn to live without it and begin to heal. He was very brave.

Life on this planet is hard. 

We carry so much emotionally from day to day, that we often need a break. But when the things we escape to become routine, when they begin to feel like “needs” rather than “fun”—that is when we know we need to say, “No” to what we’re craving. We need to say no to ourselves.

When the things we escape to become routine, when they begin to feel like “needs” rather than “fun”—that is when we know we need to say, “No” to what we’re craving.

It often can feel impossible. Like we’re never going to change. Only through the process of changing the way I ate, I learned just that—it’s a process. It involves falling off the wagon now and then, and choosing to get back on. But here is the good news: there is so much freedom and life waiting on this path for us. If we can give ourselves the grace to keep trying, we will find our way through. 

When was the last time you said, “No” to yourself?

Were you able to listen? Or did you cave?

If the latter, what can you do to have enough grace for yourself to start again?

 

Are you in the midst of making a hard decision? Contemplating a big life change? If so, you may be interested in my FREE Making Changes Checklist that I give to all my email friends. Want your free copy?  subscribe here.