At the beginning of seventh grade, the girls in my class started asking out the boys they liked. It became a thing they did at recess. Each day, after lunch, the boys would play basketball. While all the girls would stand in a group, just behind the basket ball net, watching the boys. And at least once a day, a girl would yell over the noise of the basket ball game to ask a boy to go out with her friend. A girl never asked out a boy directly.
Usually, during this daily drama, I stood and bore witness. Mostly because I didn’t want everyone to know who I had a crush on. But one day, two girls who claimed to be my friends begged me to tell them who I liked. Then, begged me to let them ask him out for me. Everyone in our group looked at me expectantly. The peer pressure was palpable. So finally,
I said yes.
Half afraid of what would happen next, and a little curious if this boy even knew I existed, I stood on the sidelines. Then one of my friends yelled his name, just as he caught a rebound. Holding the basket ball in both of his hands, he turned and she asked,
“Would you go out with Melissa?”
Trying to be cool in front of his friends, he laughed as if it was the craziest idea in the world. Then he said,
“No.”
I was so embarrassed. I wanted the pavement to swallow me right then and there. But instead, I willed myself not to cry, and tried so hard to act as if it didn’t matter.
Whether you’re thirteen or thirty, rejection sucks. Most of us would like to pretend it’s never happened to us. And if there was a way we could block out the memories of it, we probably would. Only if we did, we may miss out on the good things rejection actually can give us. Today, I share Three Questions to Ask After Rejection, to help us rebound well, and even succeed the next time we take a risk.
When faced with rejection, we need to ask:
Could I have done anything different?
There are two extremes when it comes to approaching rejection: One, believe that the people rejecting us are completely wrong or mean. Or two, believe we totally messed up and it’s all our fault. The truth is usually somewhere in the middle.
For this reason, it is good to ask ourselves, is there anything I could have done differently? Could I have done anything more? Or is there something I shouldn’t have said? If you’re not sure, but it feels like there may be something, share your interview or dating story with a trusted friend or mentor. Get their perspective. They may affirm that you did all you could. Or, point out something you can learn from, that will help you do better the next time.
Is there anything I can learn from this?
This question is similar to the first, as sometimes the thing we can learn is something we did wrong or could do better. But, it could also be that through putting ourselves out there, we learn more about dating, or a field we want to work in. Perhaps we interview for a job we don’t get, but through the process learn more about the type of company we want to work for. Perhaps the person we are dating breaks up with us, but through that relationship we learn more about the type of person we want to be with. Rejection isn’t failure if we learn from it.
Is it time to let go?
The first time I wasn’t considered for the job I wanted at the church where I was working, it was clear I needed to stay. I was still learning and growing, and I felt I had a real voice in our department. However, the second time the job opened up, I applied, and was turned down, things had changed. I felt I had even less of a voice than a few years prior, and it was clear I had outgrown my position. There was no further growth opportunities for me. So, when I was ready, I left.
When we face rejection in love or career, we need to access our situation. Sometimes, there may be important reasons to hold on a little longer. But in others, we need to make a clean break. If you’ve faced rejection, but are unsure if it is time to move on, talk things through with a trusted mentor or friend. Weigh all the reasons to stay and those to go, and then make a decision and stick with it.
When was the last time you faced rejection?
What did you learn from that experience?
Are you in the midst of making a hard decision? Contemplating a big life change? If so, you may be interested in my FREE Making Changes Checklist that I give to all my email friends. Want your free copy? subscribe here.
