On my journey to live out my calling, I have received a lot more no’s than yeses. I was reminded of this recently, when I started reading through one of my journals from the year after I graduated college. At the time, I was working at a bookstore in Boston, and sending my resume out to almost any youth ministry job posted online that I could find.
In a journal entry from February, a full nine months after graduation, I wrote about receiving a letter from a church saying they were going with a more qualified candidate. A letter—Do you remember when people still sent those?
That year, I received a lot of no’s. Some of them were letters, others were emails, and still others were the kind of no’s you figure out over time. When getting no answer, means no.
I could never figure out which was worse—actually holding a paper in my hand telling me I am unqualified to do what I feel called to. Or, being not important enough to get a rejection letter. This was until, I experienced a different kind of no. One, that was much worse.
I could never figure out which was worse—actually holding a paper in my hand telling me I am unqualified to do what I feel called to. Or, being not important enough to get a rejection letter.
In a miraculous turn of events, five months after holding that rejection letter in my hands, I was hired to work in one of the biggest churches I’d ever stepped foot in. Though it was a job to work with junior high students, and I felt strongly called to senior high, it was a starting point. One, greater than I could have imagined.
Only there was a part of my interview I should have paid more attention to. While sitting down with the senior pastor, another pastor, and an elder for one of my many interviews, I was asked if I had any questions. Knowing the senior high pastor who would be my boss may, as people do, move on at some point, I asked:
“If [senior high pastor’s name] was to move on in a few years, could I be considered for that job?”
To which, the senior pastor replied, “I don’t think our church would be ready for a woman to be in that position.”
But knowing in my heart I was called to work with students, and having received so many no’s to get to this yes—I thought it was only a matter of time. Determined and stubborn, I believed that once they got to know me, my gender wouldn’t be an issue. So a few days later, when I received a phone call offering me the job, I eagerly accepted.
I packed up. I left my life in the city, and moved to work at that church, in the middle of corn fields, in Pennsylvania. And when I arrived, I threw my whole self into the ministry. I invested deeply into the lives of students and volunteers.
I stayed in that job for over seven years.
The job I wanted opened up twice during that time. Both times, I expressed interest. And though I got great performance reviews and my ministry grew every year, both times they went with other (male) candidates. Finally, I left.
I realized there was no growth opportunity for me there. No avenues to fully live out all I was called to. But then two things happened, after I left. One, I looked around and realized that patriarchy and sexism is rampant church wide. And I wasn’t ready to go back into ministry working as a part of that system.
The second thing that happened, was God began to show me all these ways I could live out my calling to encourage, mentor, and even minister to those around me—that didn’t involve working in the church. I didn’t have to stop being who I am, because a system told me I didn’t have the right body parts.
One of my favorite reads this year was Girl Wash Your Face, by Rachel Hollis. In a fantastic chapter on the word “no,” she says:
“When it comes to your dreams, no is not an answer. The word no is not a reason to stop. Instead, think of it as a detour or a yield sign. No means merge with caution. No reminds you to slow down—to re-evaluate where you are and to judge how the new position you’re in can better prepare you for your destination.”
I believe the same is true for our calling. Sometimes, our dreams and our callings are the same. And sometimes, the no’s we receive mean that our calling will look a little different from how we expected or planned. But that doesn’t mean we give up being and becoming the people God created us to be.
Two of my favorite things Jesus said that go along with this, is first—He came so we could live full lives (John 10:10), which includes being our full selves. And second, He told His disciples that when they were rejected in a place, to shake the dust from their feet, and move on (Matthew 10:14).
Where have you been told no? Where have you been rejected?
Where do you need to shake the dust from your feet?
Are you in the midst of making a hard decision? Contemplating a big life change? If so, you may be interested in my FREE Making Changes Checklist that I give to all my email friends. Want your free copy? subscribe here.
Photo by David Guenther on Unsplash
