Why We Need To Ask For Help

We all know what it feels like to be down. We’ve all had days, or even weeks of feeling low. We know the sting of disappointment, and the ache of loss. If we’ve lived on this earth for more than a decade, chances are we understand pain.

But what do we do, when the pain becomes too much?

When I was twenty-seven, I woke up one day to the deepest ache my soul had ever experienced. I told a friend that it felt as if someone had shoved me into the depths of the darkest waters, and was holding me there. They wouldn’t let me go.

That day, and each day after, I lived feeling like I was bleeding on the inside where no one else could see. I’d get up, drink my usual two big cups of coffee, go to work, and put a smile on my face. But all I wanted to do was cry, and I didn’t fully know why.

At first, I was able to hide it. Even, push it aside when I was in meetings or with friends. But then, the tears just started to come. As a part of my job, I would be leading the silliest of games with about seventy junior high students—and the tears would come out of no where. I’d walk into Target to pick up a few things, and begin to cry in the deodorant aisle.

For as long as I could remember, I had been good at holding it together. In hard times, I had learned to push through the pain, to keep going. Only now, I couldn’t.

So I called my best friend and roommate from college, thinking an hour long conversation with her might help. While we were talking, she suggested I go to counseling. I told her I would think about it. But the thought of opening up to a complete stranger felt scary.

A few days later, hanging out with another close friend though, I was given the same advice. After telling her how I felt and how the tears would just come at all these random times, she too said I needed to go to counseling. Two friends, who hadn’t talked to one another, giving me the same advice, felt like a sign. I didn’t want to live my life this way, but I didn’t know how to make it stop on my own. So I made the call.

A week or two later, I was sitting on my counselor’s couch. Little did I know all the work we’d do in that place. Turns out, there were a lot of things that were making me cry. A lot of things, I’d thought I’d pushed past, but in reality I had just pushed down. They had taken up residence inside of me, and could not longer wait to come out.

There are times in our lives where we can’t do it on our own. Where no matter how strong and capable we are, we still need someone to help us find our way out. When this happens, we need to realize that

Asking for help is brave.

Although there are many situations where it is good to figure things out for ourselves, there are also times where we need to invite others into our problems, and even, our heartache. To recognize that another perspective or set of experiences, can help us move forward better than we could on our own. Sometimes, it is as simple as calling a friend for coffee, or asking a professor or coworker for help. Others, it means getting a mentor, life coach, or counselor, who can help you intentionally walk through your situation.

Before this dark time in my life, I thought I understood depression. I also thought I could do a lot of life on my own. Only this experience taught me how much we need to rely on each other, and why sometimes, we need to ask for help.