Why We Try

One of the most memorable characters I have ever met through reading, is Mrs. Havisham. From Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations, which I (mostly)read for a class in college, Havisham isn’t actually a “Mrs.” at all.

Yet, she is unforgettable.

Left at the altar decades before we meet her in the book, Havisham is still wearing her wedding dress. Having commanded all of her servants to leave everything in her house the same as it was on her wedding day, her beyond rotten wedding cake still sits on the table. She is living in the decay of her dream. When her fiancé left her at the altar, the hurt was too much. So,

Mrs. Havisham stopped trying.

She stopped living. She couldn’t handle the heartbreak. Later, she tries to spare her adopted daughter the same fate, but only causes more harm.

When we get hurt, often our initial response is flight. We want to escape life and all its pain. How many of us, when experiencing our first heartbreak as teenagers, at minimum thought, “I never want to feel this way again.” How many of us have wondered if love is really worth the pain?

Only rejection and heartbreak aren’t the only areas in life where we are tempted to give up. Many of us work so hard throughout school, and still graduate in debt. Others of us have difficult family members who are hard to love, who sometimes bring us more heartache than joy. And some of us have gone after jobs in systems that have decided that because of our color or gender, we aren’t qualified.

Then, as if there aren’t enough reasons to stop trying in life, social media has given us at least a thousand more. On Instagram, we daily scroll through photo’s we can’t help but compare our lives to:

Her home is way cuter than mine will ever be.

Scroll.

If only my body looked like that.

Scroll.

They’re already having a baby.

Scroll.

Why can’t I go on trips like they do.

Scroll.

In this world, in this life, it’s hard not to feel defeated.

Instead, it’s hard to remember why we try. To hold onto why we need to keep going when the mountain in front of us just won’t move. When it seems everything is stacked up against us, it can feel like it makes more sense to quit. Only these are the times when we need to dig in deeper. These are the times we need to examine our why’s.

Lately, I have been thinking about some of these why’s. How easy they are to forget. Yet how crucial they are to remember. And as I reflected on the things Tony and I are trying for in our life, these six “why’s” came to mind:

We try because we believe we were made for more than what society has told us.

We try because living in faith that something good is going to come, is way better than cashing in our chips too early and waiting for inevitable disappointment.

We try because we don’t want to live wondering “what if?”

We try because we were made for relationship—to be in community with those around us.

We try because we believe love is so much more powerful than hate.

And Finally,

We try because we believe God is calling us to lean into the hard, to be a part of the important things He is doing that we can’t yet see.

Friends, some of you are reading this and you have given up. Not in all areas. Perhaps in just one. Maybe it’s a relationship. Or it’s a dream that feels impossible. Whatever it is, I get it. I know it’s hard. It’s hard to keep going, to keep trying. There are areas of my life where, as I write this, I know I need to pick up the ball again, and start playing. Places where I need to take even small steps forward. But it has to start by reminding ourselves of all the reasons why we try.