Learning, It's Up To You

You know those times when someone older and wiser, gets up on their soap box, then begins their latest diatribe with the words:

“There are two kinds of people in this world…”

It’s always bothered me. Mostly because I find humanity to be extremely eclectic and varied. But also because to break up people into two camps seems very narrow-minded.

Only, today—that is what I am going to do. Not because I think there really are only two kinds of people, but rather because in life, there are choices all of us have where there are only two options. An option that makes us feel safe, and one that makes us feel scared.

Though they look very different for all of us, they’re ultimately the same choice. Whether applying to a nearby school or faraway school, staying in the same job or choosing to pursue a different dream, dealing with life on our own or being vulnerable with a trusted friend or mentor—we are all choosing whether to stay the same or stretch ourselves. And these choices really do separate us, as people.

They determine who will have a whole list of regrets, and who will only have a few. They decide how much we will learn about ourselves and what is possible. And they impact our overall fulfillment in life. Though they can look many different ways, ultimately we’re all choosing:

To grow or not to grow.

To change or not to change.

To take a chance or not take a chance.

To do the hard thing, or to keep choosing the easy.

To do what’s right, or what’s popular.

In other words, it’s our choices that separate us the most as people. Only the saddest part of this, is that the people who choose the paths that lead them to regret, rarely know that that is what they are doing in the moment. Because their choice feels good, is what they think they’re supposed to do, or the alternative is just too scary, they stay with what they know. With what seems sure. With what is most comfortable.

Over the years of being a mentor, then a youth pastor, and now a Life Coach, I have been witness to what happens when people make either of these two choices. And the saddest, have always been those who chose what was easy or familiar. Those who believed the simpler choice was all they had—and that the other wasn’t even an option for them.

“In many cases, the only thing standing in our way is ourselves.”

Conversely, I have seen people make incredible strides when they have said yes to change, to do the hard thing, or even to do the scary thing. Though their choice always seemed at the beginning to hold the most risk, it eventually produced the greatest reward.

Yet, I am not just talking about the people I have walked alongside in life; I am also talking about myself. I have had many choices where fear or even people close to me have told me to take the safer route. To go with what I know. To do what other’s expect. And sometimes, I have taken their advice. But then, the times I haven’t, it has changed my life for the better—even when the outcomes weren’t easy or exactly what I wanted.

All of us have something about our lives that we’d like to change. Sometimes, changing them really is impossible. But in many cases, the only thing standing in our way is ourselves. Each of us have the ability to make the scary, hard choices that will take us to the places we want to be. At times it will mean sacrificing comfort, security, and even our reputation. When this is possible, we must weigh the potential benefits over what we’re risking. And in some cases, jump anyway.

“Each of us have the ability to make the scary, hard choices that will take us to the places we want to be.”

Now, sometimes the hard yet courageous choice is to stay where you are. To lean into a hard situation at work, fight for a healthier relationship or friendship, or stick things out to graduate on time. There are situations where the harder choice is the greater choice. The best way to know this is through prayer, talking with a mentor, and even taking time to listen to what you know within to be true.

Almost daily, you and I are faced with decisions that can either lead us to places of growth and development, or to security and complacency. The questions we must ask ourselves are: