There are only so many nights you can eat cereal for supper. If you are single or you have ever lived alone, you know what I mean. The first night, you feel free and maybe a little rebellious as you fill and refill your bowl with your favorite sugar cereal. But after three nights in a row, it begins to get sad. Not only is your body beginning to crave real food, your soul is hungry for some company.

Cereal was never meant to be dinner food, and we were never meant to live as solitary creatures. I am convinced that is why we love TV shows like Friends or feel drawn to the cozy little town of Stars Hollow, in Gilmore Girls—where not only does everyone know your name, they also know your business. If only we all could have roommates or neighbors that were as warm as Sookie or as dependable as Monica. But not all of life is like that.

What they don’t tell you in high school, as you’re struggling to pick a career path, is that life can get lonely. That after college, there is no longer a pool of people to draw from when picking your friends. Your peer group gets spread out over the entire world, and sometimes you find yourself in what feels like the middle of nowhere. If this is where you have found yourself today, I want to tell you:

You are not alone in your loneliness.

Though some of us forged out into new areas of the world only to find we are missing home, and others stayed home only to feel left behind—all of us have felt, will feel, or are feeling the ache of loneliness. Though we are hard wired for human connection, there are seasons in life where friendships are hard to come by.

If we never sat alone in the cafeteria in junior high, our first experience with loneliness in adulthood can feel disorienting. Where our free time was once organized by our friends, it is now solely determined by us. Where our phones used to buzz to life with texts, they now lay lifeless beside us until we pick them up.

In our boredom, we scroll through social media only to see that everyone is having fun without us. But that is because all of the other lonely people are not announcing—all over the internet—that at that moment, they feel like a loser too. Once again, the facade of social media has us wondering what is wrong with us—when the answer is nothing.  If you are feeling isolated and alone right now:

You are not alone. You are not a loser.

Though at times you feel invisible, I see you. On days when you go to the grocery store and you don’t know what to buy—because making a real meal means eating leftovers for days—I see you. On Fridays, when your coworkers go home to their significant others, and you don’t even have a cat, I see you. And when the wedding invitations start rolling in from your friends in college, and you don’t know who you’ll put down for a plus one, I see you.

I am you. And I have been you.

So today, I must tell you that your loneliness will only last a season. I don’t know how long it will be, or what it will take for you to find your “people” again. But loneliness is not a life sentence. While it can be hard and painful, it also has the power to stretch and grow you. If you allow it to do its work of giving you time for self-reflection, and of making you brave to seek out new friends—loneliness will not stay forever. If you don’t avoid the lessons that loneliness has for you, you will find your way through.

If you are lonely today, I see you. And I want to tell you, don’t give up. If you are experiencing loneliness because you are following a dream, it is not time to pack up and return home. It is time, however, to discover the role loneliness has to play in you becoming the person you’re meant to be. Our stories always involve more twists, turns, and pains than we could have ever imagined. But they also take us places that amaze and surprise us too.

Where are you feeling lonely right now?

What might your loneliness be trying to teach you?

And, what else could you have for dinner tonight, besides cereal?

 

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