Before he ever told me he loved me, Tony showed me.
About four months into our relationship, we went to Maine. We traveled with a group of friends to the northern part of the state to hike Mt. Katahdin. It would be the first mountain I had ever climbed, and the morning of the hike, I began to worry I wouldn’t reach the top.
Thankfully, there were plenty of other newbie climbers in our group and they assured me, we’d take breaks when we needed them. The weather was perfect and slowly but surely, we made it to the peak. My favorite photo from the trip is of me and Tony standing with friends in front of the Katahdin sign.
Reaching the top of the mountain felt like such a high. I had no fears about the climb down, yet that is where my trouble began.
Reaching the top of the mountain felt like such a high. I had no fears about the climb down, yet that is where my trouble began. Feeling strong after our ascent, I took the steep trail back down, too quickly. At some point, I began to feel a small pain in my knee. But I kept going.
When we reached the bottom of the mountain, our group stopped at Chimney Pond. We still had another three and a half miles to hike back to the parking lot. We took a break for water and food, then returned to the trail. Quickly, we discovered, that much of the path had been flooded since our morning hiking in.
Suddenly we were hopping stones through small creeks that hours earlier didn’t exist. At one of these tiny rivers, I decided to go first. I picked the stone that peaked out of the water the most, and assuming it was sturdy, I reached out my bad knee leg. Just as my foot landed on it, the stone slipped, and with my full weight on that leg, I went tumbling into the water.
Almost all of my lower half was drenched. But worse, pain shot up and down my leg. When we made it to the other side, back to higher ground, I couldn’t put any weight on it. My knee was shot.
At this point, we still had three miles to go. Tony took my pack, and slung it over his shoulder next to his own. Then he wrapped his other arm under mine and around my back to give me support. He told our friends to continue on, that we’d meet them back at the car.
All the way we kept talking. Not about our hopes and dreams, or even how incredible it was to reach the mountain top. We talked to each other about the trail.
Step by step, he helped me hobble out of the forest. All the way we kept talking. Not about our hopes and dreams, or even how incredible it was to reach the mountain top. We talked to each other about the trail. About how to approach each tree branch across the path, every boulder we had to traverse.
We wouldn’t have made it out without communicating.
I wouldn’t have made it out without his help. Some journeys we can’t do on our own. That is why so many of us choose to get married if given the chance. That is why it can be so beneficial to build healthy, life-giving routines with your spouse. Only just as Tony and I had to keep talking and figuring out the best way to get out of that forest,
When we begin a new routine with our spouse, we need to communicate.
The fourth step in creating routines in marriage is to keep talking. Good and lasting routines don’t just happen. They are honed. They need to be refined to fit your collective needs, lives, and personalities. When you both decide to follow the same workout regimen, one of you may quickly realize it aggravates an old injury. Or, you need to change your eating habits around that time of day, as it causes you to burn more calories.
Good and lasting routines don’t just happen. They are honed.
Whatever the routine, chances are one or both of you will find big or small tweaks need to be made to make it work. And as you are building this routine together, you need to talk through these changes together.
Over the past few weeks, we’ve talked about the important steps that need to be taken leading up to building a routine with your spouse. But just because you both have begun practicing that habit, doesn’t mean the process is complete. Talking with each other as you reach each obstacle or bump on the path, will enable you both to tweak what is needed to continue on the journey. Or, decide if another trail should be taken altogether.
Talking with each other as you reach each obstacle or bump on the path, will enable you both to tweak what is needed to continue on the journey. Or, decide if another trail should be taken altogether.
In routine building, there is no shame in honestly saying something doesn’t work for you. It may even free up your spouse to share what is not working for them. Continuing to communicate on this journey, will bring you both closer together and further on your journey.
What routines have been particularly challenging for you and your spouse to build?
How could communication help you both on this journey?
If you want more help in finding your rhythm when it comes to routines–or just a friend for this crazy journey called life–sign up for my email list today and receive two extra posts and other fun resources in your inbox every month! Sign up here and also receive my free resource on creating space in our lives for what is most important.
Photo by Timo Stern on Unsplash
