Friends, many of us are finding ourselves in uncomfortable places with all that is going on in our world. Many of us want to make a change that may not be what’s best for us. That is why as a part of this month’s series on Change, I’m re-sharing this post—one of my most read to date—about learning how to stay even when it’s difficult. May it give you courage to stay, if you are right where you need to be.

“We want life to have meaning, we want fulfillment, healing, and even ecstasy, but the human paradox is that we find these things by starting where we are, not where we wish we were.”

—Kathleen Norris, Quotidian Mysteries

Back when things were really bad, when I felt suffocated by all that my life was and all that it wasn’t, I made a plan to escape. I packed my bags and boarded a plane that took me to the other side of the country, where my aunt and friends welcomed me with open arms. I interviewed at a grad school there—because nothing says starting over like going back to school. And when I returned home, I applied right away. Then I waited for a reply as if it was my ticket out.

I was accepted.

I told my aunt and my friends. I mailed in my deposit. I started to dream about what my new life would be like. I folded laundry and pretended I was packing up. I was ready. My life had become too uncomfortable, and too small, where I was. It was time.

Then, the team I was a part of at work started taking a leadership course. During part of it, the teacher (not knowing about my secret plan to leave), told us the story of the Benedictine Monks. They believe that greater personal growth comes from staying where you are—not from moving to where you want to be. They believed that important things happen when we stay in uncomfortable relationships and situations, and work through them rather than avoid them. This stuck with me, and made me think about my escape plan.

I was not a quitter. I was not someone to give up. Though I was sure I had more than enough reason to leave, the monk’s emphasis on staying where you are, rolled around in my mind. It didn’t convince me to stay. But it made me wonder if the changes I wanted to make within myself, wouldn’t happen if I left.

Months went by.

It was time to begin looking for a job and a place to live in my far away city. I started scrolling through Craigslist and job sites, and thinking about when and how I would tell everyone I was leaving. Mentally and emotionally I started gearing up for all the change that was about to take place. Then one day, while doing things around my apartment, I experienced one of those God moments.

Where I had thought I was just physically running away from my life, God saw that I was also running from all that was going on inside of me.  In one brief moment, it was as if God caught up to the me that was running within, and all of a sudden put His hand gently on my shoulder and said:

“Slow down.”

Instantly, all of the anxiety that was whirling and all the thoughts that were spinning inside of me, ceased. There was peace. In that moment, I knew God was asking me to stay. He was inviting me to deal with all the internal and external struggles I was facing. He was telling me that the monks were right. Though by moving, my outward circumstances would change, my inward ones would come with me. Moving would not solve or heal the things weighing me down. Rather it would post-pone the process and journey necessary to deal with them. Though my outward circumstances weren’t good,

I needed to stay.

I needed to trust that God would bring me through and out of all the things that were going on. I also had to face all that needed to change and grow inside of me. And though I can’t tell you it was all roses after that, I can tell you that the journey has been worth it.

There are so many things in this world that tell us our lives will be better “if we just __________.” And I have found that the most tempting one is believing that life is better somewhere else. Yet I am (slowly) learning that often, our richest and most meaningful life is found right where we are. Sometimes we are called to move, but many times the most courageous thing is deciding to stay.

Is there a part of you, right now, that wants to runaway?

If you’re honest though, are you being called to stay?

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Photo by Corinne Kutz on Unsplash