Growing up in New England, sledding was often an every winter occurrence. One memory I have of sledding included me, my younger sister, and a boy from our neighborhood all pilling in our long, blue sled. We were at the top of a snow covered hill just down the street from home. 

Suddenly gravity took over and sent us careening downward.

When our turn came, the boy sitting in front inched us toward the edge until suddenly gravity took over and sent us careening downward. Quickly, over the boy’s shoulder, I could see we were headed for the one big bump in the middle of the hill. Not quite the size of ski moguls, but terrifying nonetheless, when approached at the speed we were going. 

A rush of panic ran through me. As we hit the bump head on and went airborne, a word I hadn’t ever said out loud before, began to scream from my mouth,

“Fuuu—,” I said, finishing the word when all three of our butts landed hard on the sled that hit the ground a few milliseconds before we did. 

Unfazed, the boy got up first, and went over to meet his friends. My sister however, got up wide eyed, and gave me that look that both said, “You said a bad word” and “I can’t believe you said that.” Guilt flooded though me, because as you can tell from my sister’s reaction, we obviously had been brought up better than that.

Or had we?

As a former youth pastor, this may be strange to hear from me—but I swear. I don’t do it a lot, or often. But I would go even further to say that there are times, I believe we need to. Or rather, that life often gives us incredibly difficult emotions that we need to verbally express. Situations, where sometimes four letter words (or screaming), are the most authentic for us to use. 

When uncertainty or tragedy sends us flying, most of us feel unprepared.

A prime example of this is when we realize how much is out of our control. A lot of life can feel like I did on that sled hitting that bump that sent us flying. And when uncertainty or tragedy sends us flying, most of us feel unprepared.

Kind of the way we feel right now.

For me, the mess that is 2020, began in January with my dad being diagnosed with brain cancer. When we got the news, saying Sh*t over and over, seemed to come more easily to me than tears. At first, I felt more scared than sad. It sucks to have someone you love so much go through something so hard, and to be powerless to change it. 

When we got the news, saying Sh*t over and over, seemed to come more easily to me than tears.

But now, because of COVID-19, I can’t even go see my dad. The one thing I thought I could do—be there—I can now only do “virtually” (which we all know isn’t the same). Not only that but you, my friends, are also in situations where you are feeling out of control. 

Those of you who are teachers, are missing some of your primary ways of connecting with your students. You’ve lost two months of offering deeper learning for kids you’ve grown to love. And you have to settle for a few hours a week where you hope they’re learning something from all the work you’re doing. 

Those of you who own small businesses are doing all you can to stay afloat. You’re giving yourselves pay cuts. You are trying to support your employees, and praying you don’t have to shut your doors. 

And then, there are those of you who don’t know when or where your next paycheck is coming from.

All because there is a pandemic we have no control over.

Friends, all of this makes me want to swear. 

Sometimes, I do.

Then I pray.

We are in an incredibly difficult time. There are so many ways we feel powerless. And pretending we’re ok will only get us so far. 

Sure, we may need to put on a strong face for our kids or those we lead. But many of us are going to need a release valve. A way for us to blow off all the steam that is building up inside of us. Perhaps we need to scream into a pillow, write pages upon pages in our journals, and yes, swear. Even if only to ourselves. Though I believe God is always listening with more grace than we can imagine.

It’s ok for us be  rough around the edges. We’re all rough around the edges right now.

What we’re going through right now, doesn’t call for being proper or refined. It’s ok for us to be rough around the edges. We’re all rough around the edges right now. Let’s find and make safe spaces for us to be real about what we’re feeling, and when we need to—let the four letter words fly. 

Friends, where do you feel out of control right now?

What is making you want to swear?  

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