Out of all the relationships we have in our life, our family ones are typically the strongest. For good or bad, they are the people who have the power to impact our lives the most. After all, they are the first people to tell us where to be strong and when to be afraid. To tell us whether the world is a friendly or fearful place. More than anything though,

They are the first people to tell us who we are.

Only at some point, we have to learn all of these things for ourselves. We have to take what they have taught us into the world, and test it. Not to say our families can’t be trusted—though sadly, some of them can’t be—but rather so we as individuals can have hands on experience with the truth. In the same way a young child has to touch objects for themselves to learn their texture, we have to live life on our own to understand it better. To understand ourselves better. And all of this means, that at some point,

We have to leave home.

For me, the time came when I was twenty-three. A little more than a year out of college, I landed what I thought was my dream job. It was five states away. And without even thinking about all it would mean to leave my home and family, I accepted the job offer. I gave my two week’s notice, packed the very few things I owned, and drove to Pennsylvania.

During that time, I was so focused on my new job, that I didn’t realize the magnitude of what I was doing. That I was leaving the safety net I’d had since birth, and entering into the real world, basically alone. That right away, I was going to have to find the DMV, get new car insurance, find the grocery store, make new friends, and oh, start my new job—all without the same support I was used to. Ready or not,

I was becoming an adult.

It didn’t take me long to realize, being an adult is hard. In certain seasons, there were many calls home. But with each obstacle I had to face, with each decision or situation a call home couldn’t help with, I learned something.

The greatest lessons usually taught me things about myself. Every time I succeeded, I gained confidence. Each time I didn’t, I learned resilience. And through it all, I became more of the person I was meant to be.

Leaving home gave me myself.

It gave me a greater faith, because without all of my family to turn to, I needed God more. It made it possible for me to meet some incredible people, including my husband. It changed the trajectory of my life. And, honestly, it altered my relationship with my family.

Over the years, as living on my own changed me, it changed my relationships. The person I was  in my family growing up, was not who I was anymore. So how I related to my family members also had to change. This process did not go without tension or even some hard conversations. And, because we are all always changing and growing, I wouldn’t say it’s finished.

But we’re still family. We still love and support each other.

I share all of this today, as we close out our month on relationships, because for all of us there is a tension in leaving home. Whether we have moved five states away as I have, to the other side of the world, or even just down the street, leaving changes how we relate to our closest people. For many of us, it involves hard seasons of breaking down what was to build something new.

The good news in all this stretching tension, is that often what we’re left with at the end of the process, is better. When we’re able to let go of what was good when we were children, we are better able to discover the good that is possible as adults. If you have left home and are experiencing a strain with family, know that it is normal. If you are contemplating leaving, yet change feels scary, don’t be afraid. Change and growth are difficult, yet they are also very necessary in becoming the people we are meant to be.

What has/does leaving home look like for you?

How has it changed your relationships?

 

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