Learn: How to Find a Mentor

On Monday, I shared that mentors have made a big impact on my journey as a person and as a leader. But often, when I talk about having mentors, people express wanting to be mentored but not knowing how to get one. Or, they are under the impression that a mentor usually pursues you, which is rarely the case.

The good news though, is that finding a mentor, is really not as difficult as it seems. Yes, it does involve putting ourselves out there. And it requires asking another person for help—often, a person we don’t know well. But its far from impossible, extremely worth it, and it can look a variety of ways.

Some mentorships last years, while others can last only a few hours. The timing doesn’t always determine the impact. A few of the mentors I talked about on Monday, were only in a my life for a few months—yet during significant seasons of growth for me. So we don’t all need to be on the look out for our own Obi-Wan Kenobi. But we do need to be thoughtful about who we want speaking into our lives.

For this reason, today I am sharing Six Simple Questions to Ask When Finding a Mentor. Asking someone to speak into your life is an honor and a big responsibility. That is why the more specific and realistic you are in what you are asking for, the more likely a person is to agree to mentor you. If you are looking for a mentor, these questions will help you find one. Start by asking:

How do I want to be mentored?

Do you want to learn to be a better leader, cook, musician, friend, spouse, etc.? Based on what comes to mind, how do you wish to specifically grow in this area? For example, if you want to be mentored as a leader, do you need to learn how to create a better work/life balance, build better teams, or become a better presenter? The more specific you are, the more likely you are to find the best mentor to help you in that area.

What are your expectations?

We live in a busy world, and many of the people we’d like as mentors are busy people. That is why it is important to think about what we’re looking to learn from a mentor, as well as what a possible mentor may be able to give us. Where these things overlap, is the place where mentorship can happen. If there is no overlap, we need to show understanding, and seek out a different candidate.

Who would make a great mentor?

Thinking through the lenses of both what you hope to learn, as well as your expectations, who do you know would make a great mentor? What type of person in your town or city do you need to seek out? Sure, we can dream big, and ask that person we follow on social media who is killing it at the thing we want to do. But most likely, they won’t have the availability of someone who lives down the street. So do a little research, come up with a list, and then:

Ask your top candidate, “Can I take you for coffee?”

Or breakfast or lunch? When a friend of mine became a father a few years ago, he came up with a list of men who he felt were both good leaders and good fathers. Then he invited each of them individually out to lunch. By inviting a potential mentor out for a one time meeting, you automatically have an hour to learn from them—whether a longterm arrangement works out or not. AND, always plan to pay for their coffee or meal, showing them that you value their time and wisdom.

What do you want to ask them?

Before you meet with your potential mentor, think through what you most want to learn from them. Then come up with a list of clear and concise questions for your time together. When my friend met with the group of fathers/leaders, he came up with a small list of questions that he asked all of them. And, when he was with them, he took notes. That way, he could go back and think through their words.

Ask: Will you be my mentor?/Can we keep in touch?

If your initial coffee/meal goes well with your candidate, in the course of your conversation, ask them to be your mentor. Share some of your hopes and expectations of what your time would look like, and see what they say. If they say yes, set up a schedule. If they say no—or you determine they aren’t the right fit before asking them—ask if you could catch up with them again in a few months or so. Keep the door open to future possibilities.