Headspace

Besides wedding planning, it could be said that the first true test of marriage is moving all of your belongings into a new shared space. When we were dating, my husband Tony and I each lived in our own fully furnished one-bedroom apartments. So when we got engaged, it became clear that we were going to have to find a new, bigger place to live.

Not yet ready to dive into homeownership, we went on a search for a two-bedroom apartment. After settling on a place, the fun challenge of combining our lives began. We first moved Tony in, then slowly moved over some of my larger things—and brought over the rest of my stuff, when I moved in, after our honeymoon.

But, even with a new, larger place, we still had the hard decision of what was going to stay, and what was going go. Having lived on our own for a while, we had double of almost everything—TVs, couches, tables, dishes, etc. In order for our new home to be livable, each of us had to give up some of the things we loved. There just wasn’t enough space.

Since that wonderful, growing experience, I have found space to be not only an external issue, but also a brain issue. As I have shared before, over the past few years, I have been learning to run and to take better care of my health. Only I didn’t realize my brain had such an important role to play in becoming healthy—and that, like our apartment, it had a space issue.

One day on the treadmill, early in my fitness quest, I realized why it had been so difficult for me to get in shape for so long. Time in my schedule to workout wasn’t the problem. It was my mind.

Each time I worked out, all the stress and unhealthy aspects of my life, filled my brain and sat heavily on me like fifty pounds of extra weight. When I would start to get tired or the workout felt too hard, I would stop. Because my thoughts were so wrapped up in the stressful parts of my life, I didn’t have enough brain power to tell myself to keep going.

Some people compare the brain to a muscle, but I never thought that maybe I was over working it in all the wrong areas. Now, I think of my brain more like our apartment. If we aren’t careful, our stuff can add up or it can get messy which makes everyday living or inviting guests over, very difficult.

When I was working in my last job (and before then), I allowed the wrong things in my life to clutter my brain. I made room for unhealthy situations and habits, took on stress that wasn’t mine to bear, and let bad relationships last longer than they should have. All of this took up space in my mind and held me back from fully being the person I was capable of becoming.

The bad things I allowed to take up residence in my brain kept me from having space for the good things. They stole the strength I needed to make good food choices, to keep running when I wanted to quit, and to say no to other unhealthy things knocking on my door.

In order for me to change, I had to start clearing out my brain. For me, it has looked like a lot of prayer, counseling, conversations with trusted loved ones, and even giving up a few things I love. I have also had to do some drastic things—including giving up friendships and leaving my job.

A big part of becoming who God has created us to be, involves discerning what bring us life and what brings us down. With the help of God and those closest to me, I have done a lot of work. But I am not finished. There are still at least a few residents in my brain that I am gearing up the courage to evict. It’s a long process, but I can tell you, it is so worth it.